Author: Nicole Luttrell

I'm a speculative fiction writer. That means I write about dragons, ghosts and spaceships. Sometimes I write about the ghosts of dragons on spaceships.

Why I love haunted houses

This is the speech I gave at my local library this past week. I’m still working on this week’s post, so please en

Hello. My name is Nicole Luttrell. I’m a local speculative fiction writer. That means I write about ghosts, dragons and spaceships. Sometimes I write about the ghosts of dragons on spaceships. 

I want to start by thanking Dianne and everyone here at the Butler Library for hosting this talk. And frankly, for being here and doing the job they do. Being a librarian has never been easy, but it seems to get harder all the time. 

I’ve written a fantasy series called Woven, which I have copies of today, about a prince who weaves visions and a princess who spins light. I also write a science fiction series called Sation 86. It’s about murder, politics and possibly the end of mankind on the station of First Contact. I have a QR code here so you can get the first book in that series free. 

But what I love writing most is horror. 

This month is my time to shine, yes. 

I became a writer for the same reason most people do. I love stories. I love reading. And that love has been well fed within these very walls for most of my life. One day it occured to me that someone had to write books the same way someone had to build cars or wait tables. Someone had to do it, so why couldn’t that be me? So I came to the library, and I found the section upstairs with the books about writing books. And there I found a copy of the Writer’s Market. 

If you’re not a writer yourself, or even if you’re just a writer who started submitting work after the internet was in everyone’s homes and pockets, you might not know about this book. It’s like a phonebook for the publishing world. Magazines, publishing companies and literary agents are all listed. Itwas a thing of beauty. An expensive thing of beauty that had to be replaced every year. But it made me feel like a real writer to use it. 

The Writer’s Market isn’t updated anymore because, again, internet. And while I certainly wouldn’t use it anymore, I’ll forever be grateful to it for helping me see that writing is a career as well as art. 

But it’s almost Halloween, and today, I want to talk about something scarrier than the publishing industry and a teenage girl’s flounderings through it. If there is anything scarrier than that. 

I wrote a book called Quiet Apocalypse. It’s about a witch named Sadie. She’s enjoying her quiet life as a school nurse, living in a cozy apartment with her dog Sage. 

Yes, Sage makes it.

Then a tree falls on her apartment building, and it lets something loose. Something bloody and dark. 

Allow me now to read the introduction. 

 The end of the world started on a dark winter night.

 Trees circled the apartment building at 437 Oakmont. They weren’t old trees, nor were they tall. Yet to look at them, one would think them ancient. They were twisted and gnarled. Every gust of wind found them, even when no other tree moved. The cold of winter clung in their branches, no matter the weather. Passersby didn’t like to dawdle along the sidewalk. The trees made them feel unwelcome. Children especially felt this, but of course, children always feel these things most keenly. 

 But we weren’t talking about children. We’ll come back to them. For now, we’re discussing the trees. 

 They’d been groaning and moaning for most of their lives. Sometimes you couldn’t hear them unless you were listening carefully. Other times the inhabitants of the apartment had to turn their TVs up to drown the trees out. But on one dark night in February, the sounds were unrelenting. There was a winter storm. The wind was hellacious, cutting through the town like a vengeful spirit. It took out hanging signs for stores on Main Street, brought down the old pine next to the library, and crashed Mr. Wallback’s patio table into his sliding glass window. Ashley Homestead regretted leaving her potted pine tree out for the night. It was thrown against the house from the back porch with such force that the pot shattered. 

Leslie Richard’s trampoline, covered over with a tarp for the season, was lifted and thrown into the yard of his next-door neighbor. 

 The wind rattled windows, pushed its way through cracks in the walls and around doors. Heaters couldn’t keep up with the sharp, blistering cold. The families in the apartment building were kept awake by it, huddled under blankets to keep warm.

The storm built up steam as it headed for Oakmont. It was as though those trees in a circle were its target, and it meant to have them. The storm came to a head at almost four in the morning. One of the trees, exhausted from a night’s battle, couldn’t hold on any longer. It came down, crashing into the roof and jutting sharp, dark branches into the attic apartment.

The wind died away almost at once. Gentle snow replaced it, covering the ice. The next morning this would cause several accidents. 

The trees that remained continued to scream, as though mourning their fallen brother.

I wrote Quiet Apocalypse for two reasons. First, I was starting to feel more comfortable as a witch. I wanted to write a character who was also a witch. A real world witch, not a magical creature one. 

Secondly, and what I really came here to talk about, I wanted to write a haunted house story. Haunted house stories have always been my favorite sort of story. The House Next Door, The Haunting of Hill House, The Amittyville Horror. These are the sort of books that keep me turning pages and rethinking every creak and groan in my own house. 

I’m not alone in my love of haunted houses. They’re a mainstay of the horror genre for a reason. We all want to think that our homes are our safe havens from the world. That our front door acts as a barrier to the bad things. The dark things.

So the thought of something lurking in the dark and dripping corners of our homes is viceral. But it’s also realistic. I would argue that haunted houses are the most realistic horror genre. 

Bad things happen in our homes. House fires from wires we didn’t even know were frayed. Carbon monoxide leaks. Storms large and powerful enough to rip and tear buildings apart. 

When was the last time you checked your smoke alarms? 

Quiet Apocalypse starts with a very mundane and realistic disaster. One that almost takes Sadie’s life before the story even starts. Allow me to read a passage.

 Sadie sat in the doorway of her ruined apartment. Her eyes were itchy, there were rivets of tears dried to her face. She had cried herself out the night before. Now she only wanted a shower and a good long rest. But, as a tree had crashed through the roof of her apartment, neither of those things could happen. 

 She knew she ought to be grateful. She’d been in the kitchen with Sage, her creamy colored lab mix when the tree came down. Branches seared through the exterior wall, crashing through her living room and bedroom. One had pierced right through her bed. It was still there, jammed right in the center of the quilt. If Sadie’d been asleep, she wouldn’t have survived. All she’d lost were things. She should be thankful for that. 

 When she was done mourning her things she would be. Her mother had made her that quilt. The crystals on the altar in her living room were all buried in the rubble. Her whole living room was a loss. What wasn’t destroyed in the crash or buried under the roof was damaged by the snow that had flooded in. 

And her books! Her family had given her irreplaceable books. Thank the Green Man Himself that her grandmother’s grimoire was at Aunt Helen’s place. But Sadie had her mother’s grimoire. And now it was destroyed. 

 She looked at the cardboard box that contained everything she now owned. There was her teapot, gray with a design of cherry blossoms. The cups that matched it had shaken loose from their shelf and shattered. 

There was her grimoire, a battered old sketchbook with a red cover. A french press, some herbs. A truly astounding assortment of tea. A handful of crystals and candles had been on her kitchen windowsill. Sage’s food and water bowl. That was all she had. 

 They were just things. Things that didn’t mean anything aside from everything. Ties to family members lost. Tools for her magical work and her mundane life. Decades of learning were destroyed in no time. 

A haunted house story can be seen as an alligory for accidents and natural disasters that threaten our families. But the ones that scare us the most, and stay with us the longest, are usually about family traumas and abuse. 

Amityville Horror is about a family tortured by dark entities until the father nearly kills everyone. But it’s also about dark financial worries. It’s about a man feeling like he failed as a provider and taking it out on his family. 

Poulterguist is about a house opening a portal to a horrific and hungry dimension. But it’s also about Suburban Sprawl and guilt. 

Quiet Apocalypse is about a demon trying to break free and cause the apocalypse. But it’s also about the fear of dying alone. Of having no one to leave behind a legacy for. 

I’ve been in a haunted house. And I bet you have too. If you’re fortunate enough to not have lived in one, you’ve visited one. It was the friend’s house where things got quiet when their mom came home from work. Or one that got way too loud. Maybe it was a family home after a funeral. 

Maybe it was just a place that didn’t feel right. It seems safe, but it doesn’t feel safe. Your instincts are screaming at you to run. To get the hell out of there despite no apparent danger. 

In my experience, it’s best to listen to those instincts. 

So we understand why cultures all over the world come back over and over to the haunted house story. But I want to go a step further and suggest that women in particular are drawn to reading and writing haunted house stories. We, along with children, tend to be the main characters and main victims of haunted house stories. 

It’s Eleanore who senses something wrong and eventually goes mad in Hill House. 

It’s Diana Freeling who insists to her husband that something’s wrong in the house, only to be dismissed until their daughter is sucked into the television. 

It’s Col Kennedy who has to convince her husband that there is something very wrong with the beautiful new house next door.

I think this is the case for a number of reasons. First, women historically spend more time at home than their spouses. Or, we at least spend more time caring for our homes and the people in them. So if the kids are talking to invisible playmates, we’re more likely to notice. If there’s blood dripping out of the ceiling, we’re probably the ones cleaning it up thinking it’s rust stains. 

At first. 

If our loved one is suddenly spending an uncomfortable amount of time with their axe collection or singing in a language we don’t recognize, we’ll probably be the ones to point it out. 

In addition to this, haunted house stories are cathartic to women. Consider how often in a horror movie the main character starts out trying like hell to convince someone, usually her partner, that something is wrong. Blood’s coming out of the faucets, there’s a spot in the back yard that’s never warm, bottles are popping and spilling with no one in the room. But no one is listening! No one else seems to see it all happen. It’s almost like they’re looking away at just the wrong time on purpose. Only to calmly and condecendingly explain the shape and color of the trees while missing the forest entirely. 

What else does that sound like to you? Maybe like trying to explain medical symptoms to your partner, or doctor? 

You just need to lose weight.

It’s the house settling.

You’re just getting older.

You didn’t hear a child screaming, it was just these old pipes. 

You’re overreacting.

You’re being histerical. 

Finally, I think women are most often main characters in haunted house stories because home is a place of guilt for us. We feel more responsible for our homes because we’re taught that we’re responsible. At least, I was. So if something is wrong with our house, it’s our fault. 

The dishes aren’t done. It doesn’t matter if we dirtied them, it’s still our fault. The laundry’s piling up, our fault. An ancient demom is cracking through the basement floor, our fault. 

Of course, as society changes so do the stories we tell. A great modern haunted house story is How To Sell A Haunted House by Grady Hendrix. The main character is acutally the one who needs convinced that something is wrong, and it’s her younger brother who does the convincing.

That book, by the way, is a great example of siblings being raised by the same people but very different parents. 

All of that being said, haunted house stories appeal to everyone. There isn’t a culture in the world that doesn’t have haunted house stories. The Himuro Mansion in Japan. The Wolfsegg Castle in Germany. Every community, neighborhood and village has a haunted house. I’m willing to bet our cave dwelling ancestors had certain caves they didn’t want to go into because they were jsut too creepy.

Finally, I would argue that haunted houses are more frightening than other supernatural elements because they are so incredibly intimate. If houses are alive, and as a witch I believe they are, they know us. They see us at our best and our worst. They see us in moments that we manage to hide from everyone else. And so if your home wanted to scare you, wanted to harm you, they’d know just how to do it. 

This is something that Sadie learns in Quiet Apocalypse. Allow me to read one final passage. 

 “Do you know where my mommy is?” the child asked. 

“I don’t know,” Sadie said. “What’s your name?” 

 The child didn’t respond. She just shook her head.

 “Where am I?” 

 Sadie swirled around. There was a little boy, standing in the middle of the main room. He looked terrified. 

 “Oh, it’s okay,” Sadie said. “Here, come over here. I’ll try to help you. I mean, I’m not really good with spirits, but I can-.” 

 “Mommy? Where am I, why can’t I see you?” 

 Another child was coming out of the bathroom. Then another. Suddenly there were two sitting on the futon, and three more standing in the middle of the room. They were all covered in blood. In their hair, on their shoes, on their clothes. It dripped onto the floor, smearing from their feet and dropping from toys or blankets they clutched.

 Sadie spun, looking around at all of the children. There were so many of them, and every moment there were more. Sage stood next to her, gasping out sharp, panicked barks. 

 “Sage, stop barking,” Sadie said. She whirled around again. “Please, calm down. I can help you, but I, I need a minute to think about what to do.” 

 They crowded towards her, reaching out with bloody hands. Crying out for her, reaching for her and pulling at her clothes. “Help, help us,” they cried. 

 “I’ll help you, I will,” Sadie said, but the children were pulling her down. 

 “Help us. You have to help us!” 

 Sadie couldn’t answer. She could barely breathe, drowning in the sea of bloody hands and crying screaming faces. She couldn’t see Sage anymore, couldn’t see anything. There were only the children, clawing at her. Killing her. 

Sadie is a school nurse. As I’m sure you can imagine, that carries an emotional burden. 

Now, unfortunately I don’t have any personal really good haunted house stories to share with you. Most of my experiences are subtle. I saw a shadowy figure out of the corner of my eye. I felt someone staring at me when there wasn’t anyone there. I found myself in a terrible mood, or unable to control my anxiety in certain parts of a house. This is all scary to live with but not overly interesting. And since you’ve all been listening to me ramble for a while now, it’s your turn. Tell us about your haunted house story in the comments below. 

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Protests, Libraries, and our American Legacy

We’re going to talk about Banned Book Week today. Of course we are. But, we’re going to talk about something else. The real reason why Banned Books Week is so important to me, and to so many others.

I don’t talk a lot about patriotism. I am an American. And there are a whole lot of reasons to not be proud of that. There are horrors in our pasts. America has done terrible things to, well, an impressively long list of people. We were once a British Colony. And while we threw off the shackles of the monarchy, we kept the arrogance. The feeling that whatever we want can and should be ours for the taking.

But I am proud to be an American. Yes, we do often elect horrible leaders who do horrible things. But We The People also have a legacy of standing up, speaking out, and causing Good Trouble.

In my childhood, I spent time around many Vietnam veterans. They told me about being drafted. They told me about the war protests. They played protest songs for me and taught me about the Kent State shooting. Those college students were heroes to me. So was Greenpeace. (Yes, I know they started in Canada. But a lot of Americans were involved. Let me have this.)

Dr. King and John Lewis were heroes. They fought fiercely, bravely, for the rights they deserved. Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton were heroes. Charles Ortleb was a hero. Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera were heroes.

These were not people who fought in battle. They took to the streets and did not stutter. They said, “We are here. We will be heard.”

There is no shortage of heroes in modern America. Whenever horrors appear, when fascism threatens us, our heroes come out. The college students protesting the genocide in Gaza. The everyday citizens standing up to ICE agents who are abducting people from our streets. Even some politicians like Cory Booker, who gave a twenty five hour and five minute filibuster to protest the actions of Trump.

These are only a few examples. Americans might pick shitty people to lead us. But we also stand up.

In addition to a legacy of protests, America is home to the first free public library. The Peterborough Town Library in New Hampshire. We were the first people to say that reading was so crucial to the well-being of our people that we were going to provide places to do it for free. And I am incredibly proud of that.

We, as Americans, have inherited an awesome responsibility. Not only to protest the rise of fascism, racism, sexism, and hate. But to protect the legacy of our public libraries, our greatest achievement.

Banned Books Week is almost done. But the fight isn’t over. We have to fight to keep censorship and fascism out of our libraries, communities, and government. So I’ll keep reading banned books. I’ll keep fighting to protect our right to read and write whatever we want. Let’s live up to our legacy.

Paper Beats World is a labor of love. If you love what I do here, please consider liking and sharing this post and leaving a comment. You can also support me financially on Ko-fi.

Spooky season is coming, and it’s time for some creepy reads. Check out my horror novel Quiet Apocalypse, about a witch trapped in her apartment during a dark winter storm with a demon devoted to ending the world.

Or check out my horror short, The Man In The Woods. A man tries desperately to protect his granddaughter from the mysterious man in the woods. But his fear only grows when a new housing complex is built too close to the woods.

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Banned Books Week 2025

Did you know that Stephen King was recently acknowledged as the most-banned author in America? Way to go!

It’s Banned Books Week once again. And every year this week feels more and more important. Because every year it feels like America takes another goosestep towards fascism.

But we are still here, damn it! We can still protest. We can still fight in our own ways. And we can do our part this Banned Books Week to help fight off censorship.

Here is a list of things I’ll be doing, both this week and going forward.

(As always, Banned Books Week is an event hosted by the American Library Association.)

Share banned books

I’ll be sharing some of my favorite banned books on social media, using the hashtags #BannedBooksWeek and #Censorshipisso1984. Get the word out far and wide.

Read banned books

This one might be obvious. But what the hell, I’ll put it on here in case. The best way to support banned books is to read banned books.

This year, I’ll be reading Chains by Laurie Halse Anderson. I’m reading this because it’s the book suggested for the Right To Read events being held all over America this week. If you’re close to one, you should consider attending.

Start a little free library

This might be a project. I’m certainly not expecting to get this one done in a week. But now that we’ve moved and I have a yard again, I’m going to put in a little free library. And I’m going to stock it with banned books. I already have some ordered.

The top ten banned books every year are going right in that box.

Support the ALA

The American Library Association needs our help. They need support, financially and politically. Here’s a link if you want to check them out and see all the work they do all year, not just during Banned Books Week.

Show up for libraries

If you can, show up at town halls and community nights where your local library is being discussed. Make it clear that you oppose censorship. Make it clear to your local politicians, too.

Elections are a month away

Speaking of your local representatives, make sure you’re registered to vote. I know I say this a lot. I also know that there’s someone reading this right now who’s been meaning to register and keeps forgetting.

Get it done.

Go vote. Make a plan now. Know your local politicians and know who’s supporting freedom. And who’s not.

So now it’s your turn. What are you reading for Banned Books Week? Do you have a little library or know of one in your neighborhood? Let us know in the comments.

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Your writing should look like your writing

I’m writing the third draft of a new project. I can’t tell you what it is yet, only that it’s a dark fantasy piece dedicated to Hekate.

As I’ve been working on this book, the same thought keeps coming up over and over. As I flesh out scenes. As I rewrite dialogue. As I sketch out brainstorming notes.

I keep thinking, “This isn’t the right way to do this. No one writes like this. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be done.”

I’m doing my best to quiet this thought. Because it’s getting in the way of what could be some of the best damned writing I’ve ever done.

Each writer has a specific voice. A certain feel to their work that is distinct, no matter the genre they write. King’s books feel the same from Danse Macabre all the way to Never Flinch. Kiersten White’s work feels the same no matter if she’s writing fantasy or horror. And a lot of the reasons why they feel so different are stylistic choices that, frankly, I might not have made. You might not have made them. I certainly don’t write with such gory detail as King, for instance. We have wildly different word choices, and I don’t feel the need to set every story I write in Main.

Your personal voice comes from five different elements. The first is your word choice.

Words. Writing nerds like us obsess over words. Word choice can change a scene from cozy to chilling. It can make a story inspiring or terrifying. Consider the difference between these two sentences.

“Sharon sauntered towards the door and slid it open.”

“Sharon stalked to the door and ripped it open.”

Both examples include Sharon opening a door. The first one feels sexy. The second is vaguely threatening.

In both, she might just eat the person on the other side alive.

Word choice is about the voice of your story. Dialog is the voice of your characters, and the second element of your writing voice. It helps build setting, build character. And it tells something about you as well.

Are you the sort of writer who does a lot of exposition in dialogue? Do you use it to give away clues? Do you tell us who your character is?

Characters in general are a big part of a writer’s voice. King, for example, used to write a lot about drunk men who were bad fathers. Then he wrote a lot of men trying to get and stay sober. And far too many of them are named Bill.

I tend to write characters who are irritated all the time. Who have a strong hand on their tempers, until they don’t. Sylvia Moreno-Garcia writes characters who are terrifyingly single-minded.

Then, there are descriptions. This is a place where your voice can truly come out. And a place where prose writers can indulge in a little poetry.

How you describe something shows us your voice. How long it takes you to describe something also does that.

Some writers I could mention could spend a little less time describing things if I’m being honest.

You might be wordy. You might write tight. All of this is part of your voice.

Finally, where you set your stories is a huge part of your voice.

I tend to write about communities big enough that you don’t know everyone, but not so big that you can get through Walmart without seeing a high school acquaintance you’d rather not. I probably do this because I’ve always lived in that sort of place. So that is how I understand the world to be. Even when I’m writing about spaceships with ghost dragons, this theme comes up.

Some people write about small southern towns. Some people write about dark, gothic places. Some people write about the Pacific Northwest like it’s the eeriest place in the world. Which I take personally, as a person who lives in the foothills of the Appalachian mountains.

Here’s the thing about your writer’s voice. It’s the most important thing to remember. You can recognize your voice. You can, and should, study other writers’ voices. But you really shouldn’t try to force your voice.

Who you are is going to come through in your writing. Where you live, how you were raised, who did the raising. How you see the world. It’s all going to come out, one way or another, in your work.

And that’s a good thing! That’s the whole point of art. Entertaining stories don’t stick with us as much as ones that make us feel something. And we make readers feel something when we share how we uniquely experience the world.

We don’t have to do that by writing memoirs or opinion pieces. We can write about whatever we want to. Werewolves, hockey players, dragon hunters. No matter what you choose to write, you should shine through. And you should never, ever feel like you need to copy another writer’s voice. First of all, you won’t be able to. And second of all, we need as many unique voices in the world as we can.

Paper Beats World is a labor of love. If you love what I do here, please consider liking and sharing this post and leaving a comment. You can also support me financially on Ko-fi.

Spooky season is coming, and it’s time for some creepy reads. Check out my horror novel Quiet Apocalypse, about a witch trapped in her apartment during a dark winter storm with a demon devoted to ending the world.

Or check out my horror short, The Man In The Woods. A man tries desperately to protect his granddaughter from the mysterious man in the woods. But his fear only grows when a new housing complex is built too close to the woods.

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How to ruin your story

The first season of Amazon Prime’s Upload launched in 2020. And I was hooked from the start. It’s the story of a man named Nathan who is uploaded to a virtual afterlife after his death. He is, we’ll say, less than pleased with this.

The show was funny, thought-provoking, and touching. It had a lot to say about class disparity and how artificial our lives are becoming. And every season left us with a killer cliffhanger.

The last season was released in August of this year. And it was just, just terrible. It was a slap in the face of fans. And while I don’t think it’s the worst series ending ever, it was pretty damned close.

Of course, there is no great loss without some small gain. As writers, we can learn from bad writing as easily as good writing. And the last season of Upload is a perfect example of almost every single way you can screw up your ending and leave fans feeling ripped off and betrayed. So let’s see exactly how you ruin a series.

Spoiler alert! There is no way I can talk about this ending without spoilers. So if you haven’t seen the season yet and somehow still want to after that intro, you’ll probably want to do that before reading more. I will also be giving some spoilers for the show Shitt’s Creek. It will make sense when we get there.

Add in stupid, unrealistic storylines

Upload has always been about one thing above all. Class disparity. How far companies will go to make a buck off the backs of anyone.

Well, that seems to have been scrapped this season. Instead, we got a story about the AI guys becoming sentient and taking on lives of their own. And, for some reason, corporate espionage that led to Aleesha becoming a super spy. At least I think that’s what happened there. It’s actually kind of hard to follow, since they only had four episodes to introduce this concept, then bring it to a conclusion.

Scrap your main antagonists and replace them with much worse ones

For the first three seasons, the main antagonists of Upload were David Choak, played by the incomparable William B. Davis, and Oliver Kannerman, played by Barclay Hope. They were two grossly wealthy white men who killed people without qualms because the people in question were poor. Choak at least doesn’t seem like a bad guy at first. Then you learn more about him.

These were good antagonists. We wanted to see them fall. What ended up happening to them was not satisfying. It was not significant. Both antagonists were just sort of pushed aside to make room for the evil AI Guy. Who was, by the way, a boring and lazy antagonist.

I do not care that an AI assistant became sentient. I do not think it’s believable that evil AI Guy was going to destroy the world in some mysterious way. It wasn’t interesting, it wasn’t scary, it wasn’t compelling. And maybe it could have been if the storyline had been given time to grow or evolve. But it sure as hell didn’t have that time.

Drop a bunch of storylines and characters

I ended this series with a lot of questions. Maybe you’ve had some of the same questions.

What happened to Nora’s dad? Didn’t he have a fatal disease?

What happened with the Luds? Are they still trying to fight against modern tech? Did they just scatter?

What happened to Jamie? We know he’s dead, and that’s all we know.

What happened to Byron? Is he doing okay? Is he still pining after Nora?

Did anyone even care that Fran died? Justice for Fran!

And where the hell were Navaya’s parents this whole time?

Now, there are some stories that left us with good questions. Hunger Games is a good example. But bad questions are a death sentence. These are questions that should have been answered a while ago. And it feels like if the show had had more time, it would have answered these. But that’s not an excuse. This felt less like an ending and more like a bleeding wound of a story.

Give your main characters a bad ending that wasn’t deserved

Some stories don’t have happy endings. Some characters get bad deaths they don’t deserve. Some good relationships end.

Let’s use Shitt’s Creek as an example. Specifically, the relationship between Alexis and Ted.

They were so good together. They loved each other. But in the end, they loved each other enough to let each other go.

I cry every time I watch this. When Ted says, “Can’t say we didn’t try,” I just lose it.

This ending, sad as it was, made sense for Alexis. She had spent her entire life doing dumb shit for men. She was running all over the world, getting into dangerous situations, and ignoring her own identity for men who did not care for her.

She needed to choose herself. That was sad, but it made sense for her character.

Now, let’s talk about the ending between Nora and Nathan.

It was Goddamned mean.

Nathan’s personal arch was never about needing to let go of his mortal life. That was, for some reason, never a story arc for any of the characters. His arch was about making good changes in the world.

As far as main characters go, Nathan was a perfect foil for the antagonists. He was a good-looking white man. And while he didn’t have money, he had the talent and ability to make money. A lot of money. He could have been the next Choak or Kannerman. Hell, he might have married Ingrid and taken the Kannerman name.

If Nathan had died saving someone, that would have made sense. If he’d died like Luke did, that would have been a satisfying but sad ending. Instead, he’s only a victim. He dies because of senseless abuse.

Give up on everyone’s story arcs

This actually leads me to my last issue. Not a single character had a satisfying personal arc. Except maybe the AI Guy.

Dylan never got to grow up.

Luke was erased and never learned to love himself.

Ingrid got everything she thought she wanted, instead of learning that she can be a whole well well-rounded person without Nathan.

Aleesha achieved all the safety she deserved, then gave it up to become a corporate spy.

And Nora, our main character, really got shafted. She wanted to find someone to know her, but she had trouble letting people in. And she finally does. She trusts Nathan and loves him. And he dies senselessly.

There’s nothing there. Yes, I saw the ending. It’s bullshit. It’s not enough. Which honestly sums up my whole opinion about this final season.

In the end, the failure of this last season of Upload lies firmly with the writers. Yes, I am sure there was pressure from higher-ups. There always is. This was put out by Amazon, after all. But the writers could have done more.

The actors did a fantastic job. The effects were as good as ever. But the story is what we’re here for. And the story failed in every way possible. So learn from this, writers. Don’t make these same mistakes. Write better.

Paper Beats World is a labor of love. If you love what I do here, please consider liking and sharing this post and leaving a comment. You can also support me financially on Ko-fi.

Spooky season is coming, and it’s time for some creepy reads. Check out my horror novel Quiet Apocalypse, about a witch trapped in her apartment during a dark winter storm with a demon devoted to ending the world.

Or check out my horror short, The Man In The Woods. A man tries desperately to protect his granddaughter from the mysterious man in the woods. But his fear only grows when a new housing complex is built too close to the woods.

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What I’m reading, Fall 2025

Fall is upon us, finally. Yes, technically, Fall doesn’t start until September 22nd. But I’ve been drinking pumpkin spice for weeks already.

Fall is easily my favorite season. And part of that is because it’s the best time of the year for reading. Warm drinks taste better. Candles burn brighter. And no one wants to be baking anything in the Summer.

I’m behind on my reading goal for the year still, but I have some fantastic books on my Fall Reading list. Some are new. Some are just new to me. We’ve got a blend of fiction and non-fiction. Hopefully, you’ll find something to interest you on this list. If you do, let me know.

And as always, you can follow along with my reading journey on Goodreads.

Halloween Tree by Ray Bradbury

Got to get this one out of the way first. It’s a yearly October read. Yes, it’s a children’s book. No, I don’t care.

Halloween Tree is the story of a magical, terrifying Halloween night. It’s the story of a group of boys flying through history to save their friend Pip. The story is wonderful, the artwork is a delight. All around a trick and treat.

House of Quiet by Kiersten White

This one was on my Summer reading list. But I still haven’t gotten my hands on it.

This is a very busy season in my life.

House of Quiet kind of feels like a cross between Ms Perrigrin’s Home for Peculiar Children and Witchcraft for Wayward Girls. Rest assured, we’ll be talking about it here as soon as I read it.

Banana Rose by Natalie Goldberg

My hero has written exactly one fiction book. And can you believe I’ve never read it?

It’s about a marriage in which two people become very different and eventually drift apart. It’s about her marriage. It’s probably also about Zen. Because everything she writes is, at its core, about writing and Zen.

They don’t seem that different.

The Great Failure by Natalie Goldberg

For some reason, I thought this book was coming out this month. Turns out it was published in 2004. Well, it’s still a Natalie Goldberg book, and I still want to read it.

The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins

This book was a recommendation from my library. Shout out to my local library. It’s about a deity called Father going missing, and his children battling to claim his power.

This seems like wild dark fantasy and a great fun book.

Rehab, an American Scandal by Shoshana Walter

Because clearly, I needed another reason to be angry.

How we treat, or neglect, people with addictions is a particular sore spot with me. I lost two people I cared deeply about to addiction. It shouldn’t happen. And the places we depend on to help our loved ones sometimes do more harm than good.

The Locked Ward by Sarah Pekkanen

This one seemed like a chilly good tale for spooky season. It’s a psychological thriller about a woman locked in a psychiatric ward and her sister who attempts to save her. I’m currently on a rather long wait list at my library for this book, so I’m assuming it’s going to be a good one.

Jesusland by Joelle Kidd

If you’re a fan of Fundie Friday (and if you’re not, you should be), you recently got to see a long interview with this author. It was fascinating. And as a former Mormon, I am fascinated by Christian culture. The Silver Ring Thing. The music that makes it sound like God is our boyfriend. The magazines that exemplify a ‘pure’ life.

It’s all a little crazy when seen from the outside. I’m partway through this book already, and I am loving seeing this weird Jesus Freak culture from someone else who grew up with it and escaped.

Banned by Weston Brown

This is another one that I learned about from Fundy Friday. But it’s certainly darker. It’s about a young man who escaped his deeply fundamental family, struggled with discovering the world, and eventually went to battle against his own mother in the world of book banning. I am sure this one’s going to upset me. I’m still going to read it.

Don’t Blow Yourself Up by Homer Hickam

I read Rocket Boys years ago. It was fantastic. And now, Hickam’s written a book about his adult life. It’s about his writing, his career, his journey to working for NASA. I am very excited about this book.

Poetry as spellcasting by Tamiko Beyer, Destiny Hemphill and Lisbeth White

This book has been on my TBR list forever. I swear, I’m getting to it. I clearly have to read this book; it was tailor-made for a writing witch who’s super into social change. I will read this book this season. I just need to get to it.

Broke Millennial Takes on Investing by Erin Lowry

I loved the first Broke Millennial book. It taught me so much about money. And with the rise of ‘trad wives’, I’m really becoming an advocate for women’s financial literacy. So expect me to talk about this book after I read it.

Look, writers don’t always make a lot of money. If you’re going to have a small income and a long career, you need to be good with money. You need to learn about investing. So, that’s the plan.

Mary Magdalene Revealed by Meggan Watterson

I have been feeling called to learn more about Mary Magdalene for a while now. This probably won’t be the last book I read about her. But it sure seems like a great place to start.

Survivor Song by Paul Tremblay

I got this book purely because I found it randomly for five dollars at Dollar General. There was no way I was passing that up. And I’ve yet to read a Paul Tremblay book I didn’t adore. Also, this book is about something I am legitimately terrified of. A rabies-like illness. No joke, rabies scares the hell out of me. So this book will likely upset me in a very deep way.

I’m stoked.

Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now by Maya Angelou

I don’t talk enough about how much I love Maya Angelou. She is amazing. Her life is amazing. She’s taught me so much. I got this book because it was on special for just two dollars. I am very excited to read it.

As always, I might not get to all of these books. But I will almost certainly enjoy every one I get to. Assuming I don’t accidentally pack them, like I did with my can opener. (I didn’t pack the corkscrew, just the can opener. Which should tell you where my priorities are.)

Now I’m excited to hear from you. What are you reading this Fall? Let us know in the comments.

Paper Beats World is a labor of love. If you love what I do here, please consider liking and sharing this post and leaving a comment. You can also support me financially on Ko-fi.

Spooky season is coming, and it’s time for some creepy reads. Check out my horror novel Quiet Apocalypse, about a witch trapped in her apartment during a dark winter storm with a demon devoted to ending the world.

Or check out my horror short, The Man In The Woods. A man tries desperately to protect his granddaughter from the mysterious man in the woods. But his fear only grows when a new housing complex is built too close to the woods.

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Some thoughts on Jimmy Kimmel

I’m in the process of actively moving and close to a breaking point, stress-wise. So if today’s post doesn’t feel as polished as others, I ask you to bear with me.

I woke up today to the news that Jimmy Kimmel Live has been cancelled. And this is very scary. It comes after learning that Stephen Colbert’s show was cancelled. Kimmel’s end appears to be swifter. While Colbert will still be on the air until May, Kimmel’s show seems to be gone as of now.

I could be wrong. Please let me know in the comments.

I can only imagine that Seth Meyers is counting the days until his show is pulled.

Now, I’m not scared so much for Kimmel and Colbert themselves. They’re both wealthy men who will, I’m sure, bounce back from this just fine. Colbert just won an Emmy, for God’s sake. I’m sure they’ll find another platform.

What scares me is this. If this is what’s happening to the popular, visible, wealthy white men who are standing up to Trump, what is happening to the people like us? People with little blogs and little voices? How many of those voices have been silenced without us even noticing?

This is the eventuality that writers have been warning about for years. As news media is controlled by fewer and fewer companies, our access to it becomes easier to lose. It’s the same thing that happened as publishing companies began to buy each other up. This led to more gatekeepers, more control over what books were coming out, and worse treatment of writers. Because where were we going to go?

It’s been happening for decades, and now we’re truly seeing the results. We’re seeing how easy it is for one small, petty man to quiet voices he doesn’t like.

Let’s talk about Trump. And let’s talk about the staggering hypocrisy from the right.

See, the First Amendment is the first for a reason. I’m not sure why so many people today seem to want to hop right over that one and defend the second so quickly. But clearly that’s what’s happening.

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances”

But Nicole, you might say, no one’s taking away the First Amendment rights of late-night show hosts. They are perfectly free to say whatever they want. And that’s true. They’ll probably have very popular podcasts. Freedom of Speech doesn’t guarantee freedom of reach.

But you don’t have to remove Freedom of Speech if you can just silence everyone who disagrees with you. If you strangle every avenue they have to be heard. Sure, we can say whatever we want. But if no one can hear us, it doesn’t really matter.

I’d also like to point out that removing voices from large platforms corrodes the already shaky trust we have in our news media. It’s hard to know who to trust when the established voices aren’t established anymore. It’s also just easier to trust the word of someone who has a whole team of writers, fact checkers and editors behind them.

When someone on a late-night or news show tells you something, it isn’t just them talking. And this goes for everyone in the media. Rachel Maddow has a team of writers. And that helps us trust in what they’re saying more.

All this is being done intentionally so that we the people don’t know what’s happening. To let information and misinformation combine until we don’t know which way is up. And it’s working.

Fortunately, there are things we can do.

We can verify sources on social media before we share things. Don’t be part of the problem. Don’t share news unless it’s from a reputable source.

Of course, for that we need to know who the reputable sources are. I always trust the Associated Press, personally. I tend to trust late-night people, John Stewart, John Oliver, and Some More News.

Trust what you’re seeing with your own eyes. We can look around and see that climate change is impacting us. We can see that the economy is struggling. We can see prices going up and wages remaining stagnant. We can see police violence and racism on the rise. We can see women’s rights and LGBTQ+ rights being stripped away. Don’t let someone tell you that you’re not seeing what’s right in front of you.

More than anything, don’t allow yourself to be bogged down with despair. Don’t let fear cripple you. Take care of yourself, and take action. It’s the same advice I give every time I talk about politics. Vote. Go to protests if it’s safe for you to do so. Write politicians. Write physical mail and send it. Support your local libraries, local schools, and local food pantries.

After I’m moved, I’ll be doing a series about media literacy and disaster preparation. Until then, stay safe and stay informed.

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An updated look at my writer’s notebook

A writer’s notebook is the most important tool you can have. I will not be humoring arguments regarding this. Nothing is more essential. Nothing will make you a better writer than keeping a writer’s notebook. Not that special pen. Not the latest writing software. Not the craft book that everyone is talking about. The best way to become a better writer is by writing. And to that end, nothing is more important than a writer’s notebook.

I always consider this notebook to be like a visual artist’s sketchbook. It’s full of practices, studies, and first attempts. My friends who draw and paint usually have pages full of hands, feet, buildings, and plants. It becomes almost like a journal in both senses of the word. A memory-keeping journal and a practice journal. If you don’t have a writer’s notebook already, start one today. Don’t worry, I’m here to help you.

How to pick one

First, let’s talk about the physical thing. This is going to be a very personal decision, but here are some things to consider.

Price, unfortunately, must be considered. A simple spiral notebook can be had for less than a dollar at Walmart. A more sturdy composition notebook can be had for a few dollars. I used to write in a lot of those. And if you’re going to run through the pages quickly, an affordable option is essential.

For me, the quality of the book matters. I need my notebook to go everywhere with me. So it’s got to have a hard cover. I am personally offended by wide ruled pages, so my notebook has to have college rule. I usually end up with Moleskine knockoffs. And since I love stickers, there are usually quite a few on the cover.

This one cost me about seven dollars at Rite Aid.

Can you keep a writer’s notebook on your phone or pc? Sure, if that works for you. But I find that my notebook is best when I have it opened next to me. If that’s the note app on your phone for you, awesome. The best writer’s notebook is the one you use.

What to keep in it

Each writer’s notebook is going to be a little different. We are all our own brand of strange, of course. And what I consider essential might well be a waste of your time. But here’s a short collection of ideas to get you started.

Freewriting pages are a must for me. I need a place to just dump out my brain daily. And this is often when I get my best blog post ideas.

I’m forever struggling with character names. So when I hear a unique name, I write it down in my name bank. This saves me from rummaging through baby name websites for inspiration. (I end up getting diaper ads after that.)

Story ideas come at some of the most inopportune times. I wish I could stop whatever I’m doing and write, but that’s just not realistic. So when I get story and poetry ideas, I write them on a dedicated page of my writer’s notebook. Then, when I have the time, I have a list of story or poem ideas right at my fingertips.

Speaking of poetry, which I do a lot for someone who doesn’t publish poetry, I write poetry in my writer’s notebook. Haiku, rhyming poems, lyrical prose. I enjoy doing this, even though I don’t usually share it. Most of it lives in my notebook, as all it needed was to exist.

I also keep short story and chapter outlines. As well as little snippets of things I observe or think of during the day. Maybe someone said something funny or profound, or just really dumb, and I want to remember it.

Another thing I keep that I highly recommend is reading notes for whatever book I’m reading. Lines that stick out to me. Things I liked about the book. Things I hated about the book. Anything like that.

Finally, I do a lot of brainstorming in my writer’s notebook. Just figuring out what might happen in a story or blog post. Getting a feel for what the piece should look like.

How often should you use it

Here’s the real magic of a writer’s notebook. It’s not going to do shit for you if you’re not writing in it.

I would recommend writing in your writer’s notebook daily. Multiple times a day, if I’m being honest. I usually do freewriting in the morning, try to squeeze in a writing exercise in the afternoon, and capture whatever random thoughts come about during the day. The point is that every day, multiple times a day, I am putting pen to paper and building this writer’s notebook into something that can inspire me. Something that can make me a better writer.

So now it’s your turn. Do you keep a writer’s notebook? What do you keep in it? Let us know in the comments.

Paper Beats World is a labor of love. If you love what I do here, please consider liking and sharing this post and leaving a comment. You can also support me financially on Ko-fi.

Spooky season is coming, and it’s time for some creepy reads. Check out my horror novel Quiet Apocalypse, about a witch trapped in her apartment during a dark winter storm with a demon devoted to ending the world.

Or check out my horror short, The Man In The Woods. A man tries desperately to protect his granddaughter from the mysterious man in the woods. But his fear only grows when a new housing complex is built too close to the woods.

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Discussing Long Quiet Highway

Published in 1993, Long Quiet Highway is the fifth book by Natalie Goldberg. Just in case you don’t know, she is the iconic writing teacher and author of Writing Down The Bones, among other amazing books about writing. This one, though, is not technically a book about writing. It’s a memoir. But, like all of her work, it sent me right to my notebook.

So today, let’s talk about Long Quiet Highway. How it’s different from her other books, and what I learned from it.

Long Quiet Highway starts with the story of Natalie as a child. Her parents were immigrants. She grew up in New York before they moved to the suburbs.

Natalie describes her childhood as being cloistered. Dull. To me, it feels cloying. Safe, fun, and full of little pleasures. Her parents clearly loved her and supported her. But there was little art in her life. There was little to wake her up, to make her feel alive.

This is used as an introduction to a teacher who woke her up. That encouraged her to listen to the rain. To experience it.

As an adult, Natalie taught high school. Or, maybe middle school. I’m honestly not sure which, and I don’t think it matters. While she was teaching the same bland curriculum she herself had learned, she felt lost and dull. Asleep. That’s when she decided to quit her job and join a Zen commune.

Because I guess that’s a thing you can do?!

For years, Natalie learned meditation and Zen from several teachers. Until she met one that changed her life, Katagiri Roshi.

He’s changed mine as well. But we’ll get to that.

The focus on the subject is solid

Through the book, it can feel like the story sort of rambles. One minute, Natalie’s talking about a train ride she took with a friend. The next she’s talking about learning Zen. Then we’re at a diner ordering a soda.

It’s only when we step back and look at the story as a whole that it makes sense. That we realize that every step was going in the right direction, we just couldn’t see the end of the path yet.

This was a fantastic way of memoir writing. Rather than going in strict chronological order, we skip around. It allows us to become completely immersed in the true subject of the story without even realizing it.

Even when she’s not talking about writing, she’s always talking about writing

I mentioned earlier that Long Quiet Highway is not a book about writing. It is about Natalie’s life. But here’s the thing. Natalie’s life is about writing. She writes passionately. She teaches writing. She exudes writing. This woman writes like the rest of us check social media. So when she talks about her life, she is talking about her writing.

In this way, much can be learned about the habit of writing from this book. Write when you’re happy. Write when you’re sad. Write when you don’t think you can possibly get yourself up off the ground. Fuck it, write from the ground, then. Write when you feel inspired and when you feel dull. Write when you’d much rather be eating chocolate.

Just keep your hand moving.

This is the best advice I’ve ever gotten about writing. Don’t worry about it being good, at least not at first. A lot of your first draft is going to be shit, no matter how many books you’ve written and how many you will write. Trust me, I speak from experience. I have published 12 books, and my rough drafts are still terrible. Hell, my second drafts are also bad. It’s only by the third draft that the story becomes anything I might consider letting someone else see.

And that’s okay. The purpose of a first draft is simply to exist. So if you’re still trying to complete your first piece, but you’re worried it isn’t good enough, it is. Just keep your hand moving.

Her work makes me want to live

I’ve mentioned before that reading Natalie Goldberg always makes me want to write more. More than that, it makes me want to live more. To do more things and to do them deeply.

Never before have I experienced a person who so deeply experiences every part of their life. She talks in such detail about going to get a croissant. Of riding the train.

Goldberg’s work makes me want to sit outside and feel the sun. To write about the rain, the people arguing in the parking lot outside of my window, and the cupcake I bought at a festival.

She also makes me want to travel. To go out and explore the world. To take a long trip alone or just a different route home.

The legacy of a teacher

Finally, I want to talk about how teachers can touch the lives of people they will never meet.

I am not a Buddhist. I am not a Zen student. I practice meditation, but more in a witchy way than a Zen way. And I certainly never met the famous teacher Katagiri Roshi.

And yet he has touched my life in a profound way. Because Natalie Goldberg was his student. And she wouldn’t have written Writing Down The Bones if it hadn’t been for his teachings.

Because of this, Goldberg was able to touch my life. I have learned so much from her work, and I continue to do so. Someday I want to actually work with her, attend one of her workshops. But for now, I have her words, and am one of the many students she’s inspired.

And Natalie is only one of Katagiri’s students. His kind, supportive teachings have touched countless lives.

I highly recommend reading Long Quiet Highway. As well as any of Natalie’s books. If you want to be a writer, or get into mediation, or just experience life more, this book will help you do that.

It will help you wake up.

Paper Beats World is a labor of love. If you love what I do here, please consider liking and sharing this post and leaving a comment. You can also support me financially on Ko-fi.

Spooky season is coming, and it’s time for some creepy reads. Check out my horror novel Quiet Apocalypse, about a witch trapped in her apartment during a dark winter storm with a demon devoted to ending the world.

Or check out my horror short, The Man In The Woods. A man tries desperately to protect his granddaughter from the mysterious man in the woods. But his fear only grows when a new housing complex is built too close to the woods.

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Eleven years together

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I want to say today. On the one hand, it’s a great day. Paper Beats World has been around for eleven years. That’s longer than Stephen Colbert’s been hosting The Late Show. (If you wonder how I feel about him getting cancelled, go watch John Stewart’s response. That about sums up my feelings.)

I’ve written at least three posts a month for eleven years. And that’s an accomplishment. I should be proud. I should be grateful. I should be celebrating.

I am grateful. I can’t believe I’ve found a community of people who want to talk about writing with me. I can’t believe I’ve been yapping away here about writing and reading for this long, and you’re still here.

Thank you for that. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

All that being said, this has been a hard year. It’s been a living nightmare. As many of you already know, my husband had a stroke in December. And he is getting better. He’s healing. But it’s been a long journey, and there are still so many challenges ahead of us.

This is to say nothing of the challenges we’re facing as Americans. Like the startling rise of fascism, poverty rising, and the ever-present threat of shootings in places that should be sacred.

Are we feeling great again, yet?

All of this is to say that 2025 has been another hard year in a series of hard fucking years. And through all of it, a couple of things have kept me going. Animals on Instagram, the loving support of my friends and family, and art.

Art has kept me alive. Has given me reasons to smile. Has helped heal my husband’s broken brain. Has given us something to bond over together.

Let’s start with music. I have experienced so many new good songs this year. Some that inspire me to dance. Some to sing along at the top of my lungs. Some that remind me that I’m not crazy to be angry. I’m not alone in being angry. I’m not alone in being scared.

You can listen to my ever-changing playlist here if you want. Or, just look at my weird music taste and laugh about it.

Then, of course, there have been books. So many new books by authors I love have come out. Witchcraft for Wayward Girls, The Bewitching, Sunrise on the Reaping, Never Flinch, and most recently Dead Husband Cookbook. These were all fantastic books that brought so much joy into my life.

I’ve discovered new authors, like Marcus Kliewer and Josh Malerman. And I’ve read some older books I’ve never gotten around to, like Horrorstor and Long Quiet Highway.

Books have even helped my husband. We’ve been reading one of his favorites, Out of This Furnace, together. And I can see his speech improving every day.

Stories are once again saving me.

So I’ll stick around. I’ll keep writing. It might be slower than before. I might not always post on Friday at six in the morning. But I’m going to keep trying. Because in this ever-darkening world, we need all the light we can get. And all of you, coming here every week to hopefully get a smile or some good advice from me, you’re one thing that brings a hell of a lot of light into my life.

There are better days ahead. Stay tuned with me.

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