Tag: self care

2022 Holiday Gift Guide

Everyone’s got a list of holiday gifts this time of year. And I’m no different. I always post a writer’s gift guide, because I know writers are hard to shop for.

I don’t know why we’re hard to shop for. I don’t think we’re any harder to shop for than anyone else. 

I think everyone’s hard to shop for. Except for witches. Witches are easy to shop for. We always need more crystals, empty jars, and candles.

This isn’t going to be a long list of cool things, though. If you want physical gift suggestions, check out Instagram. I am getting nothing but gift suggestions on there right now. 

No, this year I only have two gift suggestions. And the great thing is, they’re both guaranteed to fit anyone. 

Time

There is nothing in this world that will matter more to the people you love than spending time with them. Not even a blanket with all the words to their favorite book will take the place of time.

So get creative with your time together. Here are some things I’m doing. 

Reading in bed with the darling husband.

Watching holiday movies together.

Taking Oliver on long walks to see all the decorations. 

Going to coffee with my best friends.

Helping my grandmother decorate her house. 

Making one of those fancy spread boards for holiday meals. 

I carve out as much family and friend time as possible. I do this by putting all business writing on hold for the last two weeks of the year. I keep holiday meals on the less stressful side so I’m spending less time in the kitchen. Using my crock pot a lot. I finished all my gift shopping before Black Friday. I also dramatically decreased the gifts I bought and asked for.

Take a look at your time, and see what you can cut back on to make space for family and friend time. 

Experiences

Nice things are nice, but experiences are better. So instead of buying things, consider planning experiences. They don’t have to be expensive. Here again, are some fun suggestions.

Go to a local museum. 

Plan a potluck craft day with friends. Get everyone to bring some craft supplies. One person brings glue, one brings scrapbook paper, that sort of thing.

Do a holiday book swap. I bet you have some books around that you don’t care for anymore, and your friends probably have the same. Get together with some coffee and tea, and swap books. 

If you haven’t finished your shopping, grab some friends who are also still shopping and go together. Even better, gather at someone’s house with your laptops, take out food and do some online shopping.

My local plant shop has a make-your-own succulent bar. It’s always a good time. Check around and see what fun events you have around you. Something you always say you’re going to do, but never seem to have the time. 

Give this gift to yourself, too

For an introvert like me, time alone is a vital part of self-care. And as much as I love time with my family and friends, I have to give myself time alone as well.

So, I’m taking myself on solo coffee dates. I’m making sure to prioritize mediation time. I’m reading alone by my little electric fire. I’m making tea and having it with no one. 

My point here is this. Things are nice, I’m not trying to shame anyone who asks for physical things. I for sure asked for physical things. But don’t focus so much on those. Give your loved ones, and yourself as well, the gifts of time and experience. Those are the gifts you’ll all treasure the most. 

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Make Space For Your Joy

This won’t be a long post today. It’s Black Friday and we all have things to do. You might be shopping today. You might be working today. You might be cleaning up after a massive family event from yesterday and gearing up for about seven more before the New Year.

Today I’m decorating the house for Yule and Christmas. I’m wrapping gifts, writing cards and baking cookies. My goal for the next month is to spread as much holiday joy for my friends and family members (especially the furry ones) as I can. 

But I need to remember, and you need to remember, that we matter too. 

We deserve to enjoy the holidays. 

We deserve to have fun and play like children. 

We deserve to find magic this time of year. 

We deserve to say no to anything we don’t want to do.

We deserve joy. 

And I’m telling you right now that no one is going to make space for your joy if you don’t make it. No one’s going to clear your calendar. No one is going to make time for you if you don’t make time for yourself.

I’m not saying that the people who love you are slacking. I’m saying that what counts as joy for us isn’t always obvious. It is up to us to spoil ourselves. To make our joy happen. 

So please, tell me what you’re doing today to make space for joy. I’m drinking a peppermint mocha latte while I read A Christmas Carol on my couch. What about you? 

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Your 2022 holiday reminder

You know what time it is. It’s November 11th and I’m willing to bet that at least one person reading this has already had a mental breakdown over the holidays. Well, I am here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way. The holidays are meant to be enjoyed, not suffered through. 

I have for you today a list of holiday dos and don’ts. These are the same ones that I go by, though I usually need a reminder around this time of year. Really, I do this for myself as much as for all of you. Because it’s so easy to get caught up in all the expectations of this time of year and forget that the point is to have fun. The point is that we just spent another eleven months dealing with inflation, family-breaking politics and scary world changes. We get one month out of the damned year to commit ourselves to joy, and so help me we’re going to take it!

Yes, this list is going to look a lot like some of my previous ones. But I become a better writer every year, so I’m going to go ahead and repeat myself anyway. It might sound prettier this year. 

Holi’do

Spend time with the people you love. I mean the people you actually love, not the ones you feel obligated to. 

Prioritize your joy. What do you love about the holidays? Do you love baking cookies, or reading holiday classics? Do those things to the fullest. Personally, I’m all about seasonal coffee and reading any holiday book that isn’t a romance novel. I also love a good holiday movie or special. So, I plan on doing those things as much as possible.

Find little things to make the holidays better. A mug that you love, a set of really pretty stickers. I’ve been all about these ambient videos recently. 

Yes, the holidays are great for big meals, events, fancy clothes, parties and all that sort of thing. But there are so many little joyous moments to enjoy as well.

Be kind to people. Actually, this should be something you do all the time. But especially during the holidays, be nice to people. You can buy someone’s coffee in line and donate to charities if you’re financially able to. Be kind to people in the service industry. Be kind to everyone you come into contact with if you can. It’s the holidays, just be nice. 

Holi’Don’t 

Don’t spend time with people who make you feel like shit. A lot of people have gotten better about this through the year, but seem to find it harder during the holidays. So if you feel like you need someone to give you permission, consider it granted. You don’t have to see anyone who is a dick to you, ever. It doesn’t matter if they’re family. If they can’t treat you well, you don’t need to be around them. 

Don’t skip your self-care just because you’re busy. And I totally understand that this time of year is busy! But if you’ve been spending this year putting good self-care habits in place, don’t wreck them now! Keep up with your yoga, daily walks, journaling, face care, meditation, alone time. Whatever it is that you do to take care of yourself, keep doing it.

Don’t overspend. Again, this one I need to hear more than anyone else. I get the desire to overspend. Especially on my pets. I swear I am such a sucker for anything holiday-themed for these spoiled ass animals. Oh, and my husband I guess. But overspending just puts you in a bad spot come January. It’s a spot I don’t want to be in again. 

Don’t let other people make you feel bad about how you celebrate. Not even me! Look, I have some strong opinions about people who put their Christmas decorations up before Black Friday. But it’s honestly none of my business. Put up your decorations whenever you want, however much or little you want. Don’t put anything up at all if you don’t want. Celebrate whatever you want to, or don’t celebrate however you want to. Whatever it is, don’t let someone else tell you what it should be. 

Don’t get hung up on the details. And yes, this is one I struggle with! I spent weeks searching for chestnuts because it just could not be Fall until I had baked some damn chestnuts. 

But there is every chance that, just like the last few years, you might not be able to get something you want or need due to serious supply chain issues. We’re going to have to make some exceptions. We’re going to have to be flexible. Because if we decide it just cannot be the holidays without this one thing, and that one thing is out of stock, we’re going to be sad for no good reason. 

Don’t think that your holiday has to look like someone else’s holiday. Right now, Instagram is my best friend and also my enemy. I am in love with this specific holiday aesthetic of red gingham and burlap on white furniture with candles and red trucks with Christmas trees and labradors. Oh, but I also love this all-natural Yule look with clean pine trees decorated with cinnamon sticks, cranberry strings and dried orange slices. 

I am not an Instagram model. If you follow me on Instagram, you know that. I will never have that perfect aesthetic, no matter how much I try.

You as well will probably not have that aesthetic that you want. Your holidays will also not look like your mother’s, your grandmother’s, or that one-in-law who is perfect and a bitch about it. Your holidays are going to look like yours. And that’s practically perfect in every way. 

And so are you. 

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Laziness doesn’t exist

Unpopular opinion, laziness doesn’t exist. Yeah, that thing you feel bad about all the time? The flat, dull emotion you feel that you try to beat out of yourself and teach your children to demonize? It’s not a real thing. 

Don’t believe me? Alright, let’s break it down. I’m willing to bet that when you feel like you’re being lazy, it’s one of four other scenarios that you aren’t going to solve by telling yourself to just stop, you know, being lazy.

I know this because I’ve done this myself. Especially in November. I’m trying to do so much in November every year it’s not funny. I’m finishing up all my projects for the year, and writing a novel, and prepping for the holidays. And I have had some days when I felt downright lazy. I don’t want to work or write or clean. Mostly what I want to do this time of year is craft, read and bake.

This is not laziness. And if you’re feeling the same way, it’s not laziness for you either. Here’s what it is instead. 

You’re doing too much

Who isn’t prone to letting their too much gene get the better of them this time of year? I mean, it feels very much like the only way the holidays are going to happen is if I make them happen by sheer force of will. 

But it’s not just this time of year. I have been trying desperately to slow down over the past year. But I’m a freelance writer and indie novelist. That is work. And since those two things don’t pay all the bills, I also have a day job. Sometimes it feels like I live in a constant state of being behind deadlines. Even though I’m the one who made all my damned deadlines!

But doing too much at once leads to just one thing, shutting down. Which to some looks like being lazy. Well of course I’m going to spend the evening watching Rick and Morty while playing Webkinz if I spent all day running from the second I got up. Of course, I’ll have all the motivation of a slug in the sun on my days off if I do nothing but hustle six days straight.

I’m not lazy, I’ve earned a break.

You’re overwhelmed

Okay, but what about if you haven’t done all that stuff? What about if you coasted by at work, left the dishes in the sink and all of your passion projects are collecting dust? What about if you accomplished nothing for the past day, week, month and you’re still sleeping late and eating take-out for dinner? That’s got to be laziness, right?

Or you have an executive disfunction and the sheer volume of things you need to do is too much to process. You’re looking at a list, either mental or on paper, and there’s just so much to do you don’t know where to start. Or you’re so overwhelmed at the scope of a project that you just can’t imagine getting it done. 

I’m not lazy, I’m overwhelmed. And there are things to do about that. I’ll do a whole post on overwhelm if you like. But there are a ton out there already. If that’s your issue, it’s not going to do you a bit of good to beat yourself up because you think you’re being lazy. 

You’re comfortable

Maybe it’s not the day-to-day list that is getting you down. Maybe it’s instead starting on a new project that you just can’t get behind. Maybe you need a new day job. Maybe you’ve always wanted to write a novel, or buy a storefront, or start painting. But you’re just too lazy to get started.

Yeah, or maybe you’re just comfortable. Maybe you don’t love your day job, but you’re worried a new one could be even worse. Maybe the thought of starting a creative venture is scary because it might fail. Maybe you just enjoy your downtime and don’t want to start anything new. 

Well, if you’re comfortable, do you want to step out of that zone? That comfort zone?

Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. But you’re not lazy. Not everyone’s got to push themselves to reach for the stars all the damned time. Maybe you’re happy just, you know, being happy. 

But if you’re not, then get used to not being comfortable. It’s worth it.

You don’t care, and that’s fine

Have you ever noticed that a lot of what you feel lazy over are things you didn’t give a damn about to start with? The things that you procrastinate on are often things that you just don’t care about. Things like decorating for the holidays, cooking dinner, volunteering at your kids’ school, cleaning out the garage. I’m sure you’ve got your list. I procrastinate when it comes to housekeeping.

Why? Because so long as my house doesn’t smell and I’ve got a spoon to stir my coffee I don’t care about what my house looks like. 

So I do the minimum, and I do it as fast as possible. I also blast music and sing along at the top of my lungs while I do it. This is great because it’s both fun for me and insufferable for the rest of my household. 

I’m not lazy because I don’t want to wash my windows or mop the floor. I just don’t care if these things get done. And that’s okay. It’s my life.

It’s your life. If you don’t care about something, don’t do it. Leave your energy for things you want to do. 

And don’t ever talk about being lazy again. It just does not exist. 

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It’s time for another holiday pep talk

It’s November, and it’s time to have the talk. The same talk we have every year. Sorry not sorry, we’re gonna talk about it again.

As much as we all want to pretend otherwise, this holiday season is going to look an awful lot like last holiday season. Supply lines are backed up. Everyday items and festive goodies are hard to find. More than a few have lost their jobs or had their hours drastically cut. Many of us will be celebrating the days with empty seats at our tables. Some buried loved ones. Some had to cut toxic family members out of our lives. 

It’s likely you, like me, aren’t entering into this festive season in the best of spirits. 

I still want to celebrate. I want to have fun. I want to bake and watch festive movies. I want to enjoy good food and time with the people I love. And I want to enjoy good stories. 

So I’m here again to give you four pieces of advice to get you through this season. Listen, we need the holidays. We need bright moments of joy. We need cats playing in wrapping paper, Yule logs burning, good meals, and great moments.

We’ve gotten through tough years before, as a society. Wars and Depressions. I don’t know you, but I bet you’ve gone through some tough holidays yourself. After death or divorce. After losing a job or a fight.

I’ve had holidays so broke every gift came from the Dollar Tree. I’ve buried a grandmother in mid-December. I’ve changed religions and lost the comfort of a Church family to celebrate with. I’ve had a holiday season after a bad divorce.

This year, we’re in a new home and we are struggling, cash-wise. Health has been a concern this year. And some other things I can’t talk about yet.

But I’ll be damned if I’ll take my current pleasure away from myself. And here’s how I’m going to do it. 

Prioritize like hell

You know my favorite thing in this whole wide world is a list. So when I started planning for this season, I made my list by priority. It’s hard to do it, but you’ve got to. Sit down and think about what you’d want to do if it’s the only thing you do. 

The top of my list is watching Elf with my husband on Christmas Eve. Right after that is having a fancy charcuterie board dinner on Yule. And third is reading holiday books under a blanket with a fire video on the tv and Harper on my lap. 

Yes, there are other things. Simpsons episodes and about a million movies. Lots of recipes to make and decorate. But you know what? If I don’t get to do any of those things, then I guess that’s what happens. I know what I’ll sacrifice, and what I won’t. Because what we make a priority gets done.

Get as much off your plate now as you can

You may have noticed on social media that I’ve been talking a lot about this. I’m batch writing all of my blog posts through the end of the month and scheduling them. Both for here and Haunted MTL. (Except my reviews of Dexter, New Blood. By the way, I’m live-tweeting during every episode over on Twitter. Follow Haunted MTL so you don’t miss it.)

I’m finishing a rough draft this month during Nanowrimo of course. I’m writing scripts for an upcoming podcast. 

And then in December, I am doing as little as freaking possible.

So if I’ve got to go all over town to find Christmas crackers, I damn well can. So if I want to spend my whole weekend reading and baking cookies, I damn well can. And if I just want to sit with some hot chocolate and watch the snow (or rain) fall, I damn well can. 

If it goes well, I might just set up my goals next year so I can take all of December off then too. 

Now, I’m still going to have to go to my day job. As already mentioned, I’ll still have episodes of New Blood to watch and review. I’ll still be updating social media. 

But that’s not near as much as I’ve been doing. And it’s nice, to worry not about what I need to do, but what I want to do. 

So what can you get off your plate this month, so you can play and celebrate next month? 

Be flexible

Christmas just won’t be Christmas without the special sugar cookies your family has been making for five generations. That’s gonna be a real hard sell if the one ingredient you need is on a boat stuck in a loading bay by customs.

If you’re not already noticing a supply chain issue, I’m surprised. Every time I go to the store it feels like half of what I normally get is just not there. And what is there is sure as hell more expensive than it was last year. 

Look, we’re going to have to get flexible this year. We’re going to have to settle for less than we want, for not the perfect picture. And it’s not great. 

But it’s better than letting yourself get into a tear because you have to get creative. Be aware, be prepared, and be flexible. 

Be patient

I mean this last one in two ways. First of all, be patent with your fellow man. Everyone is going through something right now. I already went over that in the intro. Yeah, it’s easy to get pissy when someone’s being a bitch in public. You might even want to be that person losing it because there is not anything in the grocery store your child will eat, and that quarter-filled cart is still going to set you back eighty bucks. But please, for the love of God remember that we are all humans. We’re all trying to get through something that sucks at best. And not all of us are getting out of it alive.

Be patient with people, and be patient with yourself. Take time to rest, get help when you need it. And if you lose your cool at your mother-in-law over Thanksgiving dinner, maybe just apologize and forgive yourself.

I truly hope you have the happiest of holidays, no matter what that looks like to you this year. We all deserve that warmth and light at the end of a long year. Enjoy what you have to enjoy, love who you have to love. 

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