Writing when someone you love is ill, part two

Last week we started talking about balancing a writing career when you have a partner with a chronic illness. If you haven’t read that one, I’d suggest starting there.

If you’ve never experienced living with someone with a chronic illness, it can be a struggle. There’s a lot to balance. And it takes a significant toll emotionally. But it’s something that plenty of people deal with every day. And if you want to have a creative career while caring for someone with a chronic illness, you can do it. You should do it. You deserve to do it. And today, we’re going to take another look at how I do it.

Decide how much or how little you want to share about this journey

Part of being a creative content creator in 2024 is having an online presence. And at least some of that online presence is probably going to be about your real life.

Mostly this consists of fun, happy things. We share content about our pets, our homes, and our writing process. We show pictures of our coffee and book signing. One author I follow shares videos of her cat using talk buttons. Another shows food pics. I like to show my tarot decks and library hauls. And, of course, pictures of my cats and dog.

Another author I follow shares info about her books and YouTube videos. She shares pictures of her adorable dog. And sometimes, she talks about her husband’s chronic illness.

It makes me feel like I’m not alone. And I love her for that. It is because of her that I decided to write this post. Her name is Jenna Moreci. She writes fantasy romance.

I bet that a lot of people I follow are also living with chronic illness. Or they have a partner who has a chronic illness. They never talk about it. Jenna doesn’t talk about it much. I don’t talk about it much either.

We don’t owe that part of ourselves to the internet. We don’t owe any part of ourselves to the internet.

When it comes to your family, how much or how little you share online is up to you and your family. Please don’t ever feel pressured to share more than you want. But if you want to share, that’s okay too.

Accept help when you can

It’s easy to feel like we’ve got to do everything ourselves. Society sure as hell tells us we should. We see people who are working full time, with immaculate homes and homemade meals.

I’m sorry, but that just isn’t real life. And when your partner has a chronic illness, you’ve got a lot of pressure on you.

It’s not just that you’re dealing with their illness and whatever demands that makes on your time and energy. It’s also that the care of the home and family will fall all on you more often than it would if your partner was able-bodied. Housework is work.

If you have a support system, let them help you. Let someone grab your groceries for you. Let a sibling take your partner to a doctor’s appointment if you don’t have time.

The darling husband and I don’t have a lot of family. For a long time, I felt like I had to take care of him, the house and the pets by myself. Over time, I’ve realized that this is unsustainable. So I started having our groceries delivered. We order in when we need to. And I lean on my friends for emotional support. I tell them when I’m struggling. I tell them when I’m scared. And that’s sometimes all that I need, just someone to listen to how hard this day was.

Ask for help when you need it. Accept help when it’s offered. You do not need to do everything by yourself.

Take care of you

I know that taking care of yourself takes time. And time is the thing you probably have the least of. But you have got to care for yourself.

Make doctor’s appointments, even if you’re sick to death of doctors. Get rest, even when you have a million things to do. Take care of yourself, eat good food, drink water, and take your meds if you’ve been prescribed meds.

We have to keep ourselves healthy or we won’t be able to care for our partner. So take good care of yourself.

Art can save us in our darkest hours.

So why would you still want to write when your partner has a chronic illness? With all the other demands on your time, why still put this extra burden on yourself?

I can’t answer that for you. But I can tell you why I still do it.

Art has saved my sanity. While parts of the writing game feel burdensome, the act of writing never has. Whether I’m writing a blog post, a review, a chapter of my novel or a short story, writing is always great. Creating is always great. Through writing, I can have a voice that I might otherwise be denied. It allows me to process my emotions. It allows me to face my demons on the page. It allows me to breathe. I do not think I would have survived the last ten years without my writing.

That’s all I can think of for now, advice-wise. If I think of other things I might do a follow-up. But now I want to hear what you think. Do you have a partner who has a chronic illness? Do you have a chronic illness that you manage while writing? Let us know in the comments.

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