Okay, normally I don’t love reality tv. In fact, I really hate reality tv. Like, all of it. Except for this one exception.

I really love Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares.

Yes, I know. The show is overly dramatized, and parades some of the worst instincts humanity has to offer. What can I say, it’s a guilty pleasure and I’m not going to apologize for it.

I honestly love watching Gordon walk into these horrible restaurants and just lose his mind. I really want him to read one of my books and critique them. I think he would make me cry, but I also think my books would be better for it.

I do feel like there are things to learn from Kitchen Nightmares. Many of them are things that we might have already known. But it’ nice to see them personified. So today, I’d like to share with you the lessons we can learn from Kitchen Nightmares, and how they apply to writing. Some of these things apply to life instead of writing, but that’s alright. Life and art should go hand in hand for both to flourish.

Focus on doing the basics well

When Ramsey comes into a kitchen, he sometimes finds that the chefs are trying to create extraordinarily complex dishes and failing to do so. They don’t have the basic skills to do these things well. So what should be a unique and complex meal turns into a plate of inedible waste.

Or, the kitchen is a terrible mess. Oh, that’s always the flesh crawly ones. The kitchens that have rotten food or unsanitary conditions. Look, I’ve worked at a fast food place before. That’s not what a restaurant is supposed to look like!

A good story idea can and will be ruined with poor fundamental writing skills. Grammar and proper word usage are essential for a writer. Mind you, I’m not saying that writers have to have a huge vocabulary. Quite the opposite in fact. Your words should, first of all, fit the character and world you’re writing.

As for grammar, the best advice I can give you is the same advice Stephen King give in On Writing. Get a copy of Elements of Style by William Strunk and EB White. Make sure you’re editing for grammar and spelling before you post or submit any work. Not doing so is lazy and you’re better than that.

Don’t do more than you’re capable of

Some of the kitchens that Gordon goes into are just trying to do too much! They’ve got these crazy huge menus and the chefs have trouble keeping up with it. It’s also frustrating for the customers, trying to figure out what is going on.

Look, I write a lot of fantasy and read a lot of fantasy. I consider myself pretty smart, and capable of following complex storylines. That all being said, there is such a thing as too many plot lines.

When your readers haven’t seen a character in a while and they have to go back and re-read a past chapter just to remember what the hell was happening, that’s too many plot lines or pov characters. This is something that can be hard for a writer to pick up on. That’s why a beta reader is essential.

When everything’s going to shit, stop right there and make a game plan

There are some kitchens that are legitimately so dangerous that Gordon can’t in good conscience allow continuing to serve food. It’s too unclean, the food’s gone bad. People will get sick and probably die if he does. So he shuts down the kitchen until they can get everything in order.

I’ve had times when my life feels like that kitchen; not capable of producing anything but harm and ill. When I’m overworked, stressed out or not taking proper care of myself. When I start getting busy, the first thing that falls off is my home care. We start eating out more, I don’t take the time to get my house in order. Then I can’t focus on anything. My house might not be as dirty those kitchens (god forbid), but it feels like the inside of my mind is.

That’s when I need to shut it down. After work or on a day off, I put my writing away. I take care of myself first, because I can’t pour from an empty cup. I take a thorough shower and get dressed. Next, I get my house in order. I follow the Fly Lady’s advice for a crisis clean. Spend 15 minutes cleaning in one room, then go to the next room. Do this for 45 minutes, then take 15 minutes to sit down and have some coffee, tea or lemon water. Lemon water has become a recent love of mine.

Then, once I and my home are back in order, I sit down and make a list of things that need to be done. I figure out what needs to be done most, and I’ll mark the top three things. I get it done and move forward.

What I don’t do is beat myself up and freak out about how bad things can get. I just fix it and move forward. I try not to let things get that bad again.

Listen to honest criticism

Blowups happen on Kitchen Nightmares when Gordon tells a restaurant owner that they’re doing things wrong and they don’t want to hear it. It’s often honest criticism, even if it’s being delivered at the top of Gordon’s voice with all the best four-letter words.

Getting told you’re wrong is never fun. Getting told your writing isn’t as good as we think it is really freaking hurts. Our stories are our lives, just like a restaurant’s owner’s place is their lives. We take this stuff personally because these things are not just our work. They’re our souls.

But sometimes we screw up. Sometimes we’re writing cliche bullshit, getting lazy with our grammar and just not delivering the best story we can. An editor or beta reader’s job is to tell you when you’re screwing it up. Sometimes we ask for these critiques, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes the weak-willed who don’t create and only tear down want to pick and mock at the work of those who make an effort. Ignore those people, or thank them politely for taking the time to read your story.

When someone offers you honest criticism, there is only one way to handle that; with gratitude. Someone read your story and took the time to tell you feedback about it. That’ great! I am thankful for every single person who leaves a review. I love my editor, and I love what she does to my work. There is no better gift that someone can give your work than honest criticism. You don’t have to agree with everything. But you do have to listen.

Always be honest

The funniest thing about Kitchen Nightmares is when a manager or owner tries to lie to Gordon about something. Usually, it’s about whether a food is fresh, new, microwaved or homemade. I think I want to see Gordon beat the hell out of a microwave with a Louisville Slugger. I also think he would enjoy it. He can always tell when someone’s lying to him because he knows his craft.

This is something I’ve learned in my own life as well. I have messed up. Take, for instance, my first failed launch of Starting Chains. I messed it up, but I was honest about it. I mess up at work sometimes, it’s going to happen. But if I have messed up, I imminently go to my supervisor and tell her what happened. I explain why. I don’t make excuses and I apologize. I do what’s needed to make things right. That policy goes for my work, my writing and my family.

This has never come back to bite me in the ass. Being honest has always been the best policy for me because it gets others on my side. Instead of getting angry at me, they help me make it right.

This should work the other way around, too. People are going to do stupid stuff sometimes that has a negative impact on you. Your spouse, kids, parents, co-workers. People mess up. I have a simple rule when things like this happen, especially with my kids. If you messed up but you told me, I’ll work with you. I’m going to help you make it better. I might be a little mad, but you’re not in real trouble. If you lie to me, I will land on you with both feet. I will make sure that you feel the brunt of your mistake, not me.

Don’t come off as desperate

Sometimes Gordon will run into a restaurant that is relying too much on discount prices, coupons or big ass signs in the front window. I can imagine you can guess how he feels about this. (Someday I will eat at his restaurant, and I expect to spend more than half my monthly food budget when I do. But I’ll do it, oh yes.)

Now, this is a touchy subject for me as a writer and a person. My family is not exactly what I’d call well off. We don’t miss meals and we don’t have trouble paying our bills. But we also don’t have a car and we don’t have a large amount of what you could call ‘expendable income.’

My book budget is tight. I usually buy one to two new books a month for myself, and maybe a few for my kids. (As much as I love e-books, I hate how hard it is to share them.)

As an indie writer, I have to be careful about how I price my stories. I want people to be able to afford my books, but I also want to work full time. I want my books to be comfortably affordable, but at the same time not come off as ‘cheap’.

Here’s how I price my stories. It’s a pretty simple process. I take a look at Amazon, and I search for the top thirty or so stories of similar length and genre as mine. I take an average price of the top-selling stories, and use it as a baseline. I don’t intend to price a novella at a novel price, but neither will I post it at short story price. And I don’t apologize for this. My stories are worth the price I set them for. Your stories probably are, too.

That’s not to say I don’t have sales. Everyone does, and everyone should. I just got Neverwhere for two dollars. If Neil Gaiman’s books can be marked down sometimes, so can I. I also have two short story collections that are free, and I occasionally even give novella’s away for free. Again, sales are good to spread the word. It’s a good way for a new reader to find you.

But that’s not every day. Set a fair price for your work and do not apologize for it.

This post ran hugely long, and I think it’s a little much for one post. (It’s also spawned three other posts I’ll be writing. So if you felt like I didn’t go into something deeply enough, I’m probably expanding on it.) I’m going to cut it off here today. Watch for part two on Monday.

My family and I went to DC on a school trip. We visited the National Halocaust Museum. I wasn’t expecting this to be a cheerful trip, but it was an important one.

If you’ve never gotten a chance to see the museum, I can’t suggest it enough. I’ve known about the Halocaust, of course. I know the word Kristallnacht. I know about the Jewish Ghettos. I know about the gas chambers.

I’d never stood in front of one of the gas chamber doors. I’d never heard a survivor of the Halocaust speak of his experiences. I’d never seen the room of shoes taken from the prisoners of the concentration camps. Or the two-story room full, floor to ceiling, with pictures of the victims. We walked through the memories of a horror that I don’t have words to describe. We read about Hitler’s rise to power, and the warning signs that anyone should have seen.

The history of the Halocaust is one that we as American’s should never forget. Because here’s something we don’t like to remember.

Our leaders knew what was happening, and they did nothing for far, far too long.

We don’t get all the blame, not by a long shot. But we failed to act, failed to fight against the horror that was happening.

On the bottom floor of the museum, there is a display concerning what’s happening right now in Syria. This was where I broke down. The brave actions of a man code-named Cesar have brought unrefutable proof that Syrian leader Basar al-Assad is killing and torturing his people.

His actions are all too familiar.

America created the Halocaust Museum for one reason. It’s the same reason I took my daughters to see it. We should never forget what happened. We should never forget that we did nothing. And we should never be in that position again.

If you want to help Syria, here’s what you can do. Contact your local representatives and tell them that you support Syrian refugees. Tell them that we don’t want to turn our backs on these people who need our help. And tell them that we should condemn a man who treats his people in this horrific manner.

We should know better. We should be better.

I’ve been listening to a lot of musicals on Pandora recently while I’m working. If you don’t know what Pandora does, it takes songs, bands, artists or genres you like, and makes a radio station based on them. This lead to a magical collection of Sweeny Todd, Hamilton, Disney, Dear Evan Hanson and lots of other musicals.

While listening to it the other day, Kelly Clarkson’s rendition of Its Quiet Uptown came on. I’m not a huge fan of Clarkson. I don’t hate her, but she’s not usually on my playlist. But there was something about her cover of this song that just stopped me. It sent shivers up and down my spine.

I’m actually still not sure what it was that struck me so much about this. I’ve certainly heard It’s Quiet Uptown before. (Like, a lot.) But there was just something about it.

This happens to me sometimes. I’ll read something, or hear a line of dialog and it just resonates with me. And so, I write the line down in my bullet journal.

What do I do with this? Nothing, really. It’s just a matter of recognizing what gets to the heart of me.

Often it’s something that’s just totally, honestly true. Sometimes it’s just a unique wording or fresh view. But whatever it is, I want to keep track of it.

This is part of what I do to till the soil of my mind.

I expect a lot of my poor little mind. Here’s a list of things I write in the span of a year.

• Novels.
• Short stories.
• Blog posts (like this one!).
• Social media posts.
• Content for a charity group I’m part of at my day job.
• Marketing content for my books.

All of this needs to be new, and different from anything I’ve ever written before. Now, I believe that the human mind is capable of sprouting new stories all the time. But I also believe that there are ways to help your mind come up with new ideas. Understanding what makes me shiver is one of them.

The B2B Cycon is happening right now and all this weekend. Don’t miss all the fun, geek talk and discount priced books.

Here are links to the Cycon events where you can find me.

Just Read- Broken Patterns and You Can’t Trust The AI

Cover Wars- Go vote for me!

Book Expo- Broken Patterns and Seeming

To celebrate the con, I have all three of my e-books on sale

Broken Patterns is on sale for just $1.99.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seeming is on sale for just 99 cents

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Can’t Trust The AI is totally free!

 

 

 

Recently I was talking about Hamilton at my day job and mentioned that I’ve been pretty much obsessed with it for about five months. A co-worker jumped right in and said, “No, it’s been way longer than five months.”

Okay, I guess I’m starting to get on people’s nerves with this. Don’t worry, I just started listening to the soundtrack for Be More Chill. Get ready for all the blog posts that will inspire.

Yes, I have listened to Hamilton a lot. And it’s in the listening and re-listening that I’ve learned so many things from it. Today, I want to talk about the cabinet battles one and two, and what they teach us about a proper debate.

Let’s start with Cabinet Battle One. It’s between Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton. It’s a debate about whether or not a national bank should be established. Basically, should we centralize all of our money and consolidate our debts?

Jefferson’s argument is that we founded America to get away from a bigger government. He also argues that it’s not fair for his own state of Virginia to have to pay the debts of other states when they have none of their own. He claims that Hamilton’s plan gives him too much power.

Hamilton’s arguments as follows. Virginia has slaves, and that’s why Virginia doesn’t have any debt. Jefferson wasn’t in the war, he was off in France while everyone else was fighting. Jefferson isn’t assertive enough with the president.

And this is why Hamilton lost the cabinet battle. He does the very thing that so many people do online. He attacks the person, not the actual argument.

Jefferson is on the wrong side of things, in my opinion. We needed to centralize our banks in order to strengthen our government. Jefferson gives arguments against this. He doesn’t attack Hamilton personally. He talks about actual, valid reasons that it’s a bad idea to create a centralized bank.

Hamilton doesn’t even bother to argue against any of Jefferson’s arguments. He attacks Jefferson personally, essentially calling him a coward, slaver and at one point calling James Madison ‘mad as a hatter’, and ‘in worse shape than the national debt is in.’

That’s not how we win arguments, though. It’s what I’m trying to teach my kids when they disagree about something. Once you start calling names, you’re the one who’s wrong. Even if you were right to start with.

What we learn from this cabinet battle is to stick to the facts. Here is what was said, here is what the truth is. Here are solid numbers for or against what we’re talking about. We don’t need to call people Nazi’s, racists, bigots, sexists. While these things may be true and accurate things to call someone, it does your argument no good to say them. Someone can be sexist and still have a valid argument. If all you can do is call them a sexist, then you need to do better.

Now, let’s look at Cabinet Battle 2. Again, between Jefferson and Hamilton, it’s regarding whether or not America should go to France’s aid against England for their own independence.

Jefferson argues that they stood with us during our war. We signed a treaty agreeing to help them when they needed us. He points out that Hamilton isn’t secretary of state, so shouldn’t have as much of a say.

Hamilton points out that we were too fragile to get involved in another war. He states that they signed a treaty with someone who’s now dead and that France doesn’t have any sort of established government to back.

In this case, I agree with Jefferson. By breaking our treaty we hurt our credibility with all other countries and gave up a chance to weaken England when we were still not on good terms with them. But Jefferson didn’t argue any of those points. He argued from emotions, and what he felt was right and wrong.

This is a basically flawed way to argue.

We don’t all have the same emotional reaction to things. We don’t all agree on what’s right and wrong. We can argue about our emotions and feelings about right and wrong, but it will ultimately get us nowhere. No matter what you say, you’re not going to change anyone’s emotional reaction to something.

But you can change someone’s mind by using logical argument.

No, probably not in Youtube comments. And probably not right away. Oh, and also not everyone. That should be well understood.

Why am I so concerned about writing persuasive writing? I mean, it’s not as useful for creative writing, right? Well, that can be true. You might be able to use these positive arguing tips in your creative writing if you have a persuasive character. Or, if you have a character who’s all passion and no persuasion.

I do have another reason to talk about positive arguing techniques, though. We have a problem. There is a split in America a mile wide and it’s not getting better.

Pointing fingers and making snide comments are really entertaining. People who agree with you will laugh, clap, like and share hateful comments like mad. A good political meme can spread all over the internet in a matter of hours. And while I love a good angry meme, I’m trying to not be part of that anymore.

Because it doesn’t do anything worthwhile. It just leads to more hurt feelings and closed minds. Who wants to listen to the arguments of someone who’s calling them a Nazi?

If we’re going to make a change, we all need to learn to argue better. We need to focus on facts and figures, not knee-jerk emotional reactions or name calling.

No matter what side of things you’re on, we’re all citizens of the world. We need to start acting like it and learn to argue better.

It’s March 30^th. That means that we have one more day in the month. We also have just one more day in the quarter.

How in the hell are we that far into the year already?

Okay, I’m done freaking out now. I think.

Actually, I’m doing pretty good with my goals for 2018. And I’m ready to perform my first quarter audit of the year.

If you’ve read a single other blog post of mine, you know what I’m going to say next.

I rely heavily on my Lisa Jacob’s YBY planner to do my quarterly review.

So, as I take you through my practice, please keep in mind that not all of it is mine. A lot of it is right out of the YBY planner.

Step one: I go over my list of goals for the year, and see what I can cross off. Some things I can’t even look at, like my goal of going to Kennywood three times and publishing my short story collection. It’s just not the season for those things yet.

Some things I’m still making progress on, like my goal to publish an e-book of old PBW posts. It’s a long project, and it’s going to take time. But I’m making progress.

Some things I’m totally done with, and I get to check them off my list! One major one I get to check off my list is finishing the second draft of Sandwashed. Super happy to have that done. The second draft is always the longest edit, and I have two-second drafts to do this year. Now I’m working on the second draft of Station Central, which is less than half the length of Sandwashed. That means that easily the longest project of the year is totally done.

Step two: Looking at my remaining goals, see what steps I still need to take. I use the annual objective page of the YBY planner. Here, I take a look at the six big annual goals I made at the start of the year and seeing what still needs to be done.

Step three: Looking at the next three months, assess what I need to do/can realistically do to get closer to my yearly objectives. Sometimes it’s really hard to be realistic because I want to do all of the things all of the time. So, I try to break down everything in the context of what can/needs to be done in each of the three months.

Step four: Complete the next twelve-month annual strategy from Lisa Jacob’s book. This is probably the longest part of the whole process.

As suggested by Lisa, I factor in family and self-care first. I know we’re going to go on vacation in June. That will be a week I’m not progressive. We’ll be going camping a lot this summer, and those days are lost work days too.

I work through the whole next twelve months, and figure out when my books should be done. That allows me to schedule tentative release dates. (Always written in pencil and never announced until the book is actually done.) Based on this, I plan promotion backward. Then add in any promotional stuff I’ll need to be doing into my three-month plans.

So what do you think? Will you be doing a quarterly update?

Are you subscribed to the PBW Update? Here’s why you should be. You’ll get an extra post from me about writing or publishing. You’ll get a round up of the most recent PBW posts. You’ll learn about a new indie writer in every issue. And, you’ll be the first to learn about promotional offers and events for Station 86 and Woven. PBW Update issues come out every other Monday.
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Our house is not a very very very fine house, with two cats in the yard. It’s an old house, with old wiring. Sometimes animals get in my house, like bats and squirrels. Funny story, I once opened my lazy Susan to hear chittering. There was a squirrel in there, chilling with my spices. We had to open the back door, and kind of encourage it to leave with a broom. It literally ran over my foot in its mad dash to leave. Actually, it was really adorable, but terrified.

I told you all of that for two reasons. One, so that you understand why I so dearly wish to move. And two, because I want you to understand just how terrified I am that my house is going to catch fire like a matchbook one day and we’re all gonna die. I have nightmares of the turtle getting boiled in his tank and all my manuscripts going up in flames.

Even if you live in a nice, new house, it could still go up in flames. Or your basement could flood, your power could go out, you could have a tornado or an earthquake. Shit happens, is what I’m saying. And we all think it won’t happen to us.

I’m not saying all of this to panic or depress you. I’m saying it because we need to be prepared in case we need to leave our homes in a hurry. For that reason, I’m working on making a Go Bag. This is also known as a bug out bag, and I think it has a few other names. I like Go Bag because it’s also something used in the journalism community. For them, a Go Bag is for when you have to go out of town right now to chase a story. I know that’s not the same thing, but I like the comparison.

Of course, we are writers. So, we do things a little bit differently. Here’s a list of things I include in my Go Bag.

• A flashlight that no one is ever allowed to use unless we have grabbed the Go Bag and are leaving!
• Extra batteries for the said flashlight because no one will ever listen to the above statement.
• A change of clothes for everyone in the house. This is why we all have individual bags because this alone would take up all of the room.
• A large water bottle, filled.
• Granola bars.
• Rain Ponchos.
• Light jackets.
• Playing cards, for something to do.
• Emergency blankets.
• Some hard candy.
• A small medical kit.
• A notebook.
• Pens, pencils, and some sort of drawing tool. I suggest crayons because they don’t have to be sharpened and they can’t leak. Hard charcoal is another option if you don’t like to color.
• An extra leash for the dog in case we can’t find his.
• A harness for the cat.
• Small packets of food for the dog, cat, turtle, and rat.

If you’ve ever seen a list of items to include on other sites or Pinterest, you’ll know that there are some things that are on other people’s lists that aren’t on mine. Things like your marriage certificate, pet vaccinations, social security and ID cards and any other vital paperwork you have in your house. I didn’t include any of this because I don’t keep anything like that in my house. I have scanned these, except for our birth certificates. Those I have in my Go Bag if only to know where the damn things are. If we have to leave in a hurry, I’m going to grab my tablet without fail. So, I’ll have my vital information.

Here is a list of crucial things that I keep on Evernote. These are both for my family and my writing life.

• A list of medications that my husband and kids are on.
• Our social security cards and driver’s license/ state id. (Yes, I do lock my tablet. Thank you in advance for your concern.)
• Outlines of my current works in progress.
• Outlines of my whole series.
• All financial receipts for writing stuff.

Sadly, I’ve come to realize that if my house goes down, I’m losing my old manuscripts and my computer. I have two kids, a husband and four pets to get out of my house. I will grab my Go Bag, purse, and whatever animals I can. Even if that means tossing a bitey turtle into my hoodie pocket. I will never get my manuscripts back, but I will not care as much about losing those as I would my pets.

I didn’t collect all of this at once, of course. I built my Go Bags over the span of a few months, and a few paychecks. I also didn’t use anything fancy. I just put all of it in a book bag and sat it near the door of my bedroom. I do advise packing the clothes at the bottom, water on top of that, and jacket on top. Flashlight went in the side pocket, in case I need it fast.

I do want to extend a few other pieces of advice, in case a disaster strikes your home.

• Have a plan of exit for you and every member of your family.
• Make sure your kids know to leave, just leave, and not worry about anything else but leaving.
• Have a plan for your pets. The better you plan, the more likely your pets are to survive.
• Back up everything to do with your writing. I back up everything weekly, without fail. So at any time, I will only lose up to a week’s worth of work. That still sucks, but I can live with it.
• Fire drills aren’t just for school! Make sure everyone knows what to do in case of an emergency. Make sure your whole family knows how to use a fire extinguisher and when it’s appropriate to use it. If you have little ones, know who’s responsible for getting them out.

I pray that you never have to use any of this. I pray that you go through your life, occasionally switching out the granola bars when they go bad, and never have to use your Go Bag.

But realistically, it’s very likely that at least one of you reading this will have an emergency that causes you to flee your home. I want you to be prepared, just like I want my family to be prepared when a squirrel eventually chews through a wire and sets my house on fire.

Because that’s almost definitely going to happen.

Are you subscribed to the PBW Update? Here’s why you should be. You’ll get an extra post from me about writing or publishing. You’ll get a round up of the most recent PBW posts. You’ll learn about a new indie writer in every issue. And, you’ll be the first to learn about promotional offers and events for Station 86 and Woven. PBW Update issues come out every other Monday.
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Spoiler Alert! If you haven’t seen the first season of Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective Agency, please be aware that there might be spoilers. I will endeavor to not give away everything but I may have to reveal some things in order to pick the season apart! You’ve been warned, unlike when I had the ending of the fourth season of Dexter ruined for me. Yes, I’m still mad.

I really love how we watch tv these days. I can marathon a whole season in a matter of a few days. Or, I can throw on a show and let it play in the background while I’m editing. I’m really spoiled now, not having to wait for the next episode of a show.

The most recent show my family and I marathoned was Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective Agency. It’s based on a book series by Douglas Adams. Of course, if you’ve read the book Hitchhikers Guide, then seen the movie, then listened to the old radio program, then read the graphic novels, you’ll realize that Mr. Adams wasn’t a fan of what we call canon. The same story, told a whole lotta different ways. With that in mind, may I just say that I am picking apart the first season of the show, Dirk Gently? I haven’t read the book yet and haven’t seen the second season of the show. So if you’ve read the book, or you’ve seen the second season and I’m dead wrong about something here, please keep in mind the material I’m picking apart.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s proceed.

I loved this show. I mean I freaking loved this show. So let’s pick it apart and see why.

One thing that Douglas Adams has in common with Neil Gaiman (my favorite author) is his ability to insert extraordinary situations within the ordinary. Dirk Gently is a great example of this. It’s set in the real world, our world. It’s just that everything’s a little bit strange. And not superheroes hidden in plain sight strange. This cat turns into an actual shark strange. But it makes sense, in the end. That’s the thing that writers who write strange things often get wrong. You can make your book a strange and unusual as you want. But you should then make it make sense. It’s a simple, but an imperative rule of fiction, it has to make sense. That’s the real difference between fiction and real life.

Of course, you know I’m inspired by a character-driven plot. And Dirk Gently is character driven. We have Dirk, of course, a happy universal mistake for whom everything works out perfectly for at all times. Until they don’t. Then there’s Todd, who is just in a really freaking bad place in his life. He’s got a shit job, a sick sister and a crappy apartment. Then he meets Dirk, and kind of wishes he could go back to his shit job. He’s still got the crappy apartment, at least for the most part. It’s got some holes in it now.

He’s also got his sick sister, Amanda, who is probably my favorite character of the show. She suffers from a mental illness called pararibulitis that plagues her with vivid and agonizing hallucinations of things like drowning or catching on fire. (It’s not a real thing, by the way.)

Then there’s a holistic assassin named Bart, for whom everything also always works out. She always kills exactly who she’s supposed to.

How can you not love these characters? I would genuinely enjoy a story about these people going to the grocery store.

There is actually a scene with Amanda going to the grocery store that brings me to my next point about why this show works. Amanda’s illness is fake, but it’s similar to several mental illnesses. Like anxiety. I have mild anxiety, and it makes it kind of hard for me to go to the grocery store sometimes. (Shout out to Walmart pickup!) So when Amanda braves the store by herself to buy her own groceries, despite being terrified that her hands might suddenly believe themselves to be on fire, I can kind of relate.

The show also managed to juggle two fairly different starting points in a clever way. They managed to start at the beginning, with a frustrated Todd going through a shitty day. Then, he clearly sees himself, wearing a fur coat and patriotic shirt with a black eye, shouting at someone he can’t see. As the show progresses and he ends up with a black eye, then wearing a patriotic shirt, then wearing a fur coat, it all comes full circle. But you’re aware, right from the start, that he is going to end up in a bad place where bad things are happening.

The season answered a lot of the questions you have going into it. What happened to the lottery ticket? Why is Bart trying to kill Dirk? Why do Dirk, Bart and the Rowdy 3 have these weird powers? Why are the Rowdy 3 always showing up around Amanda? Who kidnapped the little girl? Why were three bodies that looked like they’d been ripped apart by a shark found in a hotel room? Those are just the questions I can remember off the top of my head.

There were a lot more left unanswered, though, which I hope they get in season two. Because there wasn’t a season 3, and as I said the books are totally different. But that’s what a season or a book in a series should do. Answer enough that a reader or viewer feels satisfied, but leave enough there to make you read or watch the next book or season.

Altogether, Dirk Gently ran the risk of being a wholly unsatisfying story. Something left unexplained, characters left at odd ends, the whole mystery of it still a mystery! But it didn’t do that at all! All of the jagged little puzzle pieces fit right into place with each other to form a solid, coherent story.

In closing, here’s what we can take away from Dirk Gently.

• You can be as random as you want, but it has to make sense by the end.
• Your characters can be as weird and unique as you want, but you at least kind of need to be able to relate to them.
• You have to give a satisfying ending, but don’t wrap up everything unless it’s a standalone or the last book in a series.
• You have to wrap up all your plotlines unless you’re intentionally leaving them for the next book.

If you haven’t seen Dirk Gently, I highly advise you give it a shot. I’ve added the book to my Goodreads list, personally. And if you have seen season two or read the books, feel free to not leave spoilers in the comment section.

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If you’re getting the PBW Update, you know I recently talked about progress weeks. (If you’re not getting the PBW Update, here’s a link so you can fix that.) If you missed it, a progress week is one in which you make progress on a long-term project but don’t finish it. If you’re prone to having multiple projects, like me, it’s a week where you make progress on all or some of your projects but don’t wrap up anything.

A lot of weeks are progress weeks. In fact, a vast majority of weeks are progress weeks. That’s the way of things.

Now, I spend some time every Sunday trying to figure out what I can do/should do in the next three weeks to progress on my current projects. This is a suggestion made by Lisa Jacobs. If you’re not following her, you should be. But recently, every week when I do this I’m coming up with the same thing.

I have a lot of progress weeks ahead of me. None of my projects are even close to being done. And I have a real problem handling that.

Progress weeks do all sorts of nasty things to me. Things that I’m still fighting against. Because completing a project feels great! So great, in fact, that’s in an addiction. Completing things is addictive. Producing things is addictive. And here are some of my symptoms when I need a fix.

I rush projects

I want to be done with something, anything! So I start rushing through projects. Cutting corners and skipping important things. This just leads to screw-ups and having to backtrack to do the damn thing right. Or, it means I put out a crappy story that deserved better.

I ignore other things I need to do

I tend to be a little bit of a workaholic. I preach self-care, mostly to remind myself to do it. When I’m coming to the end of a project, I don’t want to do anything but work on it. I ignore my family, ignore my own physical and mental limitations because I want to get it done. This doesn’t just go for my writing. If I decide the basement needs cleaned, it will all be cleaned and I will do not a damn thing else until it is. This is obsessive behavior!

I abandon projects for new shiny things

Sometimes self-care means taking a break. Sometimes self-care even means putting projects away for awhile or giving up on a project altogether.

And sometimes, an intellectually smart person who’s sometimes stupid who hasn’t had a win in awhile abandons a project so that she can start on a new one. Because while there’s nothing like finishing a project, starting a project is a close second. That’s how we end up with a pile of half done short stories, books, essays, angry letters to politicians and email courses.

I second guess my projects

Following up on the last comment, my idiot brain will tell myself that it’s okay to abandon a project because it’s not really that good anyway.

It’s probably actually just fine. Or it has flaws, as all projects do, but it needs a little more work. Or a lot more work.

It takes away the joy of creating.

I am a writer because I love to write. I love writing stories, creating words and even editing a piece until it shines. It’s literally what I want to spend almost all of my time doing. Sometimes I want to crochet and watch The Awesomes. But mostly I just want to write. And when I’m focusing entirely on completing a writing project, I’m not loving the creative process.

And if all I care about is the final result, I might as well just focus on my day job. So I’m working on getting control of my addiction. I’ll feel better once I start knocking some of these projects off my to-do list, which should be this month.

Stay tuned.

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So, it feels strange picking this book apart, because it’s written by someone I consider a mentor. This is all one-sided. I’ve literally never met the man, and probably never will. (But if I do, you’ll know. Boy will you know!) But I see so much of myself in him. We were both raised Mormon, both write fantasy with modern dialog. We both write series that are slightly interconnected with previous ones but aren’t directly related. We both have fantasy idols. (Though he got to finish his idol’s series. I would say that I’d die for that chance, but if anything ever happens to Tamora Pierce I will break into a hundred little tiny pieces.

Brandon is one of the hosts of a podcast called Writing Excuses. I’ve mentioned it a lot, and if you’re a writer you should be listening to it.

Of course, reading his book was an educational experience. There were so many lessons from Mistborn, and I can’t encourage you enough to read it. As such, I will try not to spoil the ending for you.

Here’s what I learned worked really well in Mistborn.

The magic structure seems plausible

Magic in Mistborn relies on metal. Allomancers burn metal to interact with the world. This makes total sense to my scientific brain. It’s similar to Tamora Pierce’s magical structure in the Circle of Magic series, where magic is tied to physical things like thread, stones or plants. Obviously, this was inspirational to me when writing Woven.

The characters were engaging, right from the start

When you read the first chapter of Mistborn, you instantly love the main character, Kelsier. You love him because he’s a brave man among so many broken down slaves. You love him because you can tell that he’s smiling through his pain. You can tell that he’s smart and arrogant. But in a lovable way. You also love Vin, right from the start. She’s broken, but clever. She’s quick and smart, but quiet. She’s in a bad situation, but she’s fighting. So right away, the characters are competent and likable.

The enemy was hateful, right from the start

As I mentioned, Kelsier was a brave man among many broken down slaves. The slaves are a people known as skaa. The skaa are enslaved in their country, treated as disposable creatures. Noblemen will rape the skaa women, then have them killed so that they can’t bare half-noble half skaa children. They do this because the skaa cannot become allomancers. And the Lord Ruler will never let them have power. Of course, the book is full of half noble bastard allomancers.

The cruelty of how the skaa are treated makes you hate the Lord Ruler right off. You really want him to die.

The ending had enough twists to satisfy me

Now, you know if you’ve been around awhile that I am cursed. I was cursed by an old English teacher, who said that I would eventually know the ending of all books, tv shows, and movies. He was right, and his curse has haunted me ever since.

The ending of Mistborn had many twists. So many, that while I was still feeling smug from calling one twist, I was blindsided with another. Then, there were a few more. One I ruined for myself by listening to Writing Excuses. But the actual ending.

Man, I did not see that coming.

Here’s the takeaway from Mistborn. If you want to see fantasy done right, read it.

 

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