First World Problems

I thought it might be fun to share with you today something I’ve been using to torture the monsters and quietly judge people. I didn’t make this up, in fact there’s probably a hashtag about it.

First world problems.

What’s a first world problem? It’s any problem that wouldn’t be a problem without the amazing privilege we people who live in first world countries have. Like complaining that there are too many options when buying mascara, or bitching that your very expensive sound system isn’t working right and you have to have someone come fix it.

Basically anything that would make some poor kid who’s never had his own toothbrush would want to throat punch you for complaining about.

I’m not saying that we don’t deserve to complain. Everyone’s got problems, and I know there are days when enough has just been enough and the last straw is something that on most days would have made you laugh in other circumstances. I’m not talking about that here. And in case you’re wondering, I am totally guilty of some of these myself. The mascara thing was me. Really, it’s like there are other kinds of eyelashes besides mine or something.

Here are some first world problems, though, that I think everyone needs to shut the hell up about.


And there are two parts to this one. First, I am sick to death of hearing older people complaining about how complicated electronics are. I am sick of hearing older people use their age as a reason to not get educated about modern technology. Not everyone needs to be a tech head. I understand that technology is complicated and not everyone is going to understand even some of it. And that’s fine. Don’t have it. Or if you do have it, learn about it with an open mind. But bitching that the device that I hold in my hand and can hold all of my books, music, tv, movies, play games and give me access to my work anywhere I am is ‘too complicated’ is foolish. It is too complicated for you, not everyone else.

I am also sick, to death, of people my age complaining that they don’t have the newest and the best. I am thankful to have a tablet that was brand new last year. I intend to have it until it dies. Yes, there are newer ones, ‘better ones’. But I don’t need it, and neither do you.


This is one I get into fights with my monsters about all the time. Your school is free, and you get to go to it without being shot at, despite your vagina. You have access to knowledge that will help you get a good job and support yourself without having to wait on people. And there’s a change we might even be able to send you to college, so that you can be anything you want. All you have to do is take in that information, learn it.

For those of you who are in college, you’ve got a lot of things to complain about my friends. The price of education is bullshit, most of you guys are working to keep yourselves fed. But don’t bitch about studying. For every college kid scraping to get by, there are five kids in your hometown who couldn’t afford to go at all. I was one of those kids.

And if you’re one of the few who’s parents could afford to send you, I don’t want to hear a single word.


Raise your hand if you’ve complained about cleaning in the past twenty-four hours. Yep, there’s mine up there. I am so bad at this, and I need to just stop it. Wait, I have to fill my washing machine with all of the really nice clothes I own? I have to vacuum my soft, fluffy carpet? I have to pick up all the expensive stuff I buy that is now all through the house that I live in. I have to make dinner, have to make dinner! I’ve missed meals before, what the hell am I doing complaining about the fact that I have to make dinner?

So maybe we should shut the hell up about keeping house.

I know that there are a lot of things to complain about. Since I might not have a lot of writing news in the next few weeks, you might hear some of mine. But I’m going to try really hard to not complain about these things, here or to people I talk to in the real world. I am blessed, to have electronics I didn’t think would exist when I was a kid, to be able to send my children to school without fear, and to have a home to care for. I am grateful for those things.


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