Should writers be self-indulgent?

I was watching Micky Adkins a few weeks ago. I spend maybe too much time watching YouTube, but there we are. Micky’s great, you should check her out.

Of course, when I saw the title of this post, I had to watch it right away. (And by right away, I mean over the course of several days, because it was a three-hour-long video.) The title was, This BookTuber’s Vendetta Against Fanfiction Is Actually Pretty Sinister.

This video pissed me off so much that it actually inspired two different posts from me. Part two is coming soon. At some point, not sure when.

Look, I had Covid this week. Bear with me, everyone.

Now, Micky’s clear in this video that she is not a writer. So her opinions about this video are from a therapist’s perspective. But that’s okay, Micky. I am a writer. And I got you.

If three hours is too long a video for you, let me summarize it. It’s about another YouTube video from a channel I will not name, by a woman I will only call Hillary. Hillary doesn’t like fanfiction for many reasons. But the main reason for her hate seems to be that she finds fanfic to be self-indulgent. And Hillary thinks that self-indulgence is bad.

But is it? Let’s talk about it.

The dreaded Self-Insert

One of the biggest bugs up Hillary’s ass seems to be writers putting self-insert characters in their stories. You know, the sort of character that’s just clearly based on the author.

And that’s super cringy, right? Like, imagine if an author with a history of substance abuse issues and an absent father, who probably worried about being a good father, and lived in Maine, and was a teacher, wrote a lot of books about men with substance abuse issues who had terrible fathers, and lived in Maine, and taught. (Steven King)

Or like if a writer was a closeted lesbian who wanted to be a man her whole life, so she wrote about a closeted lesbian who wanted to be a man her whole life. (Louisa May Alcott)

Or if a writer got really into witchcraft and wrote a character who was really into witchcraft. (Me)

The point is that there’s actually nothing wrong with writing self-insert characters. I would argue that every character we write will have a little of ourselves in it. Even if we don’t mean to. We do it on purpose if we’re writing honestly. Our characters will reach for our favorite drinks. They’ll use our verbal idioms. We might even write them to look like us. That’s fine. So long as your characters are still as well-rounded as we can make these bags of bones, then go for it.

Oh no! I wrote about this super niche thing I like!

This is going to sound bitchy, but stick with me. We are not the precious little manic pixi individuals we think we are. Yes, every person is unique. Yes, every person is valuable as an individual and contains a whole universe of experiences that no one else can fully understand.

But we’re not that different. This is something that the internet has made clear to most of us. Any experience you’ve had, any joy or revolution, someone else has felt that too.

This means that if you write something that you really like, but you think it’s too niche for the rest of the world, you’re probably wrong. There’s probably someone out there, a lot of someones, who would really love to read your weird niche thing. So write about it, even if it seems self-indulgent.

I made art! Wait, I did it wrong?

Writing is art. We are artists, creating art. We are not producing a product.

There are no rules about art. There are techniques. There are widely accepted beliefs. And, I mean, of course, we have grammar rules. And spelling does count. But other than that, there are no rules.

You can write whatever you want. Your work doesn’t have to be super disciplined. It doesn’t have to follow traditional story structure. It doesn’t have to follow any agreed-upon structure. It can.

Art changes and evolves. What was considered standard a decade ago is passe now. And we as artists are allowed to shape how those changes come about by experimenting. Some might consider this part of our responsibility.

I’m a fan of what I wrote!

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but this seems like a good time to bring it up again. Writing a book takes so much time and work and passion and time and dedication and time. You have to love not just writing, but the writing that you specifically are doing. You have to be your story’s first and biggest fan. Because that love and devotion will get you through the days when it feels like you just can’t face the page. You just can’t take another round of editing.

This fandom will carry you through more than just the creation process if you let it. And that’s good, because you are going to have to champion your work to the world. You are going to have to be its biggest advocate. That’s easier if you, you know, like your book.

Wait, I’m actually a good writer?

So, what if you wrote something that’s super self-indulgent, but it turns out that it is, in fact, not good?

Maybe you wrote a really great sex scene, but it doesn’t really fit in your story.

Maybe you set a politician on fire in effigy, but that doesn’t make sense for your character to have done that.

Maybe you wrote this amazing description of the lush, gorgeous forest your character finds themselves in. Maybe you wrote three pages about it. In a row.

As you’re revising and editing your work, you’re going to work some of this stuff out for yourself. The longer you write, the more you edit your own work, the more you’ll see these things. Beta readers will also help you catch these moments.

Sometimes we have to kill our darlings. Sometimes we have to take out the things that don’t work for our story. Or kill off characters we’d rather live long lives.

Part of learning the craft of writing is learning what works and what doesn’t work. You know when it doesn’t work. You read it out loud, and it hurts your ears like an off-key melody. Or no matter how hard you try to make the storyline function, it won’t. Or you hate the character you’re supposed to love. Even if it hurts, you’ll know what needs to go.

These are all considerations for later drafts, though. When you’re rough-drafting, don’t worry about it. Throw everything in. Figure out what works later. Because, like you can’t see the whole painting in a brush stroke, you can’t tell if your self-indulgent scene works until the whole story is finished.

So, to sum it up, yes, your writing should be self-indulgent. You should write your story exactly how you want to write it. Give it the happiest ending. Write in that person you hate and evicerate them. Write smut. Craft a sappy love story that heals your specific wound. Skin a character.

Now look. I usually shy away from insulting other authors. And I’m not directly insulting Hillary. Even though sis went out of her way to insult a whole bunch of writers.

Writers who, as far as I can tell, are more prolific than she is. Whose work people like to read.

I’m not saying this to shame her or dunk on her. I am saying this because, for some reason I do not understand, she seems to be popular on YouTube. And I worry that some young writer might stumble upon her bullshit and feel bad about their writing. And if that’s you, let me say this with my whole chest.

Every single thing I have ever written has been very self-indulgent. I wrote Woven because I loved Tamora Pierce and wanted to write about thread crafts in magic. I wrote Quiet Apocalypse because I love haunted house stories and wanted to write about a modern witch. I’ve written and published nine books. I will, God willing, keep right on writing and publishing.

Hillary has published one. Do with that information what you will. And maybe, going forward, she should keep her eyes on her own work.

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