Self Doubt, and How it Tried to Kill Me This Week

For most of my life, I have been a really big believer in following the rules. I was raised Mormon, but I was also raised by a mother who was unhealthy and unhappy. She did everything that everyone said you shouldn’t do when you’re brought up in The Church.

And so I got sort of a black and white view of the world. My friends had moms who were happily married, didn’t work outside the home, were deeply involved in the Relief Society and the Young Women’s organization. They all had dads who went to work, then came home and played games with their kids before reading out of the scriptures and sending them to bed. In my house, my mom worked a lot, smoked, didn’t go to church, saw a lot of guys, and drank too much. I was largely pitied in my group of church friends.

It took a lot of growing up to realize that there was more to this world than Mormons and people who were wrong. It took years for me to grow up and realize that everything should be questioned, and that we should listen to our own ‘still small voice’. It took me a long time to trust myself enough to do what I thought was right.

Sometimes, though, I need a reminder.

I told you all last month that I’ve spent years trying to break into traditional publishing. I wanted to try indie publishing this year, and see if it doesn’t fair better for me.

Then the worst thing that can happen to someone with a history of self doubt happened. Someone I trust did a whole podcast about how ‘you’ve just got to keep trying.’ Keep sending out that manuscript. Keep finding new markets to send your work to. Keep going! And it made me doubt. Indie publishing is, for the most part, throwing the rules out of the window. And so, I doubted my intentions. Am I just self publishing because I’m sick of rejection? Am I after a quick high? Am I taking a short cut, being lazy instead of paying my writing dues?

At this point I’m going to ask any indie writers reading this not to scream at me too loud. These were my own uncertainties talking, and I think I’ve managed to shut them the hell up.

Just in case I slip again, or if you yourself have had these same doubts about self publishing, I’ve made a shield. Feel free to use this anytime you like.

1. Indie writers face rejection every day. A book may fail, a promotional event may flop. A project that you poured your heart into might get a ‘meh’ response. But at least my failure is my own, and I can try harder next time. This means that my success is my own, as well.
2. There is nothing quick about self publishing. If you’re doing it right, you still put the same amount of ass in chair time. Then you’ve got to make the product, including the cover. (I’m having a terrible time with the cover for Days, if anyone knows an artist who could use some quick low budget work.) Then, promotion takes forever if done right.
3. Indie writers are anything but lazy. A traditional writer creates a book, and that’s years of work right there. An indie writer does that, then we become a promotion specialist. Tech support. Editor. Social Media specialist. Artist. I also have to look up how to apply for an ISBN number. Oh, throw copyright lawyer in there.

Now, I am not saying that indie writing is the only way to go. But we need to listen to our ‘still small voice,’ and decide what’s best for us.

What Rocked This Week

• I’m finally in the swing of my new writing schedule, so I’m actually getting stuff done again.
• Rough drafts always make me happy, even more so with new projects. I can not wait to tell you all what I’ve been working on, but it’s in the very early stages still.

What I’m looking forward to this week.

• I’ve got some fun work to do with Patreon this week. If you don’t follow me now, check it out. I’ll be adding some videos, so you can see what I actually look like. (The dog will probably also be in the video, because he will not leave me alone.)
• It’s official, Thirty Days, Thirty Ideas the book comes out in nine days. I am so excited for my very first book launch, and I hope you are, too! (Also, if you haven’t pre ordered it yet, here‘s a link. Don’t forget, offer code 30one gets it for you for free!)

Have you struggled with self doubt? What did you do to overcome it?